


What Is And What Will Never Be

by daylightdancer89



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Hallucinations, I don't want to give too much away, M/M, Nightmares, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-06-07 22:24:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6827635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daylightdancer89/pseuds/daylightdancer89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The dreams come at night, vivid and gruesome.  Night after night, Alec Lightwood fights monsters in the dark.  But when his nightmares start to bleed into his waking life, he starts to question what is reality and what is fiction.   Can he make sense of his deteriorating world before he descends completely into madness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter fic for Malec! I don't think it will be too long (I'm aiming for 4-6 chapters), but who knows where it will take me? Rated Mature mostly for violence/graphic imagery and language BUT there may be some sexy times nearer the end. Who knows? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Beta read by my dear friend, Andi.
> 
> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare, but the writing is mine! I hope ya'll enjoy! <3

_ Demons swarmed around the small group of Shadowhunters as they backed up to each other.  An electrum whip crackled as it lashed out and beheaded an Eidolon demon that dared to come too close.  A runed arrow sunk into another Eidolon’s eye socket, the demon screaming as it disappeared into a puff of embers and ash.  The seraph blades clutched in the other two Shadowhunters’ hands shone bright in the darkness, their holy glow making the demons hiss and pace right outside the edges of their light.  There were too many demons here, way more than initial reports had predicted. _

_ Alec cursed as he let another arrow fly, aim always true, the shaft sinking into another eye.  He barely acknowledged the demon’s demise as he nocked another arrow and dispatched another in the time it would take a mundane to catch their breath. Lydia Branwell stood next to him, a gash in her cheek dripping blood down her neck and onto her jacket.  She didn’t seem to notice, focused only on the demons surrounding them.  What had been supposed to be an easy training run for Clary had ended up being an ambush. _

_ The aforementioned redhead stood on Alec’s other side, green eyes bright and fierce in the glow of her seraph blade. She had come a long way in the few short weeks since Jace’s disappearance, her determination to find her brother and father spurring on her training.  Izzy stood with her back to her older brother, whip slithering along the floor, crackling with electricity.  The demons on her side eyed her with trepidation and she grinned at them, taunting them to come after her again.  _

_ Any other person would probably panic in their situation, but they were Nephilim, prepared to die every time they left on a hunt.  Though he didn’t fear death, Alec was not going to die here - he had too many responsibilities and too much to live for.  His family, especially Izzy and Max, Jace - the thought of his parabatai caused a flash of pain - and Clary, whom he had promised to keep safe.  Lydia, who hadn’t needed to stay in New York after Alec stopped their own wedding, but had chosen to stay and fight alongside her ex-fiance.  Magnus and his kind, glitter covered eyes . . . Alec shook thoughts of the warlock away, focusing on what was in front of him.  Thinking about Magnus would not be productive here. _

_ Alec reached back for another arrow and found his quiver empty.  He bit his lip in frustration and shouldered his bow, pulling out a seraph blade.  It would be more efficient in close combat anyway.  Lydia caught Alec’s eyes and he nodded in understanding.  As if choreographed, the Shadowhunters moved forward into the horde of demons, blades and whip cutting through the darkness.  The air filled with shrieks, hisses and growls, but the Shadowhunters were silent, dispatching their enemies with efficiency and grace.   _

_ A demon lunged at Alec, but Izzy’s whip disemboweled it as he stabbed his blade through the demon sneaking up behind Clary.  He moved through the explosion of ashes gracefully, twisting away from venomous fangs and claws.  When he fought, the entire world came into sharp focus, his reflexes and senses heightened, battle runes activated and fading as their power ran out.  He beheaded another Eidolon that ran straight at him, and ducked beneath another’s claws as it slashed at him.  He drove his blade up into its chest and stepped through the burst of ash and saw it.  _

_ It was a miasma of swirling darkness, fuzzy at the edges.  Light didn’t penetrate that dark mass as it scuttled around the edges of the room.  It didn’t appear to have eyes, appendages or a any definitive shape.  Alec didn’t know what it was and frankly, he didn’t care.  He just had to kill it.  During the battle, he had managed to collect a few of his arrows from the ground and nocked one, letting it fly.  It disappeared into the dark mass, the creature seemingly unaffected.  _

_ “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. _

_ Suddenly, Izzy was in front of him, kicking at a demon, and pierced its chest with her rune-reinforced boot’s stiletto heel.  She didn’t see the other demon, but it noticed her.  Alec watched in horror as the unknown demon darted out from the corner of the room and loomed over Izzy.  Closer up, it looked like a cross between a swarm of flies and a noxious gas cloud.  Two dull red specks that Alec distantly thought could be eyes, glowed at its center.  Without giving himself a chance to think,  Alec reached out and pushed Izzy away with all of his strength, her face twisting in horror as she watched helplessly as blackness engulfed him. _

_ Screaming. _ __

_ Pain. _

 

Alec’s eyes flew open to darkness and he sat up, breathing hard.  Cold sweat coated his body, sticking his hair to his forehead and neck.  The sheets were damp.  He was shaking, heart pounding loudly in his head.  

“Babe?” a muffled voice rasped beside him.  There was a rustling of sheets and then warm fingers brushed his cheek.

Alec closed his eyes, and tried to slow his breathing before turning to look at his boyfriend. Magnus was makeup free, his hair tousled from sleep, eyes tired, but concerned.

“Another nightmare?” he asked softly.

“Y-y-yeah,” Alec replied shakily.  He scrubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, hoping they could scrub the horrific images away.  The dream had seemed so real, but demons didn’t exist.  He was a graduate student, not some magic-enhanced demon hunter.  

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Alec shook his head, and Magnus sighed.  He moved closer and put his arms around the taller man, nestling his face into the space where Alec’s neck and shoulder met.  His fingers traced delicate patterns as Alec’s heartbeat slowed and his breathing quieted.  No matter what the cause, Magnus was always able to bring Alec back to center.  Before meeting Magnus, anxiety attacks had been common.  After Magnus had become a fixture in his life, they had become an infrequent occurrence.

Until recently.

Now they came at night in the form of nightmares: demons, blood and violence.  Incredibly detailed, vivid dreams that haunted him for hours afterwards.  Alec hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in well over two weeks.

He glanced over at the clock.  It read 4:30AM.  Sighing, he kissed Magnus’ forehead lightly and slipped out from under the covers.  He needed to go back to sleep, but a shower would do for now.

Arms wrapped around his torso, preventing him from standing.  Magnus rained soft kisses down his neck and across his shoulders.  “You need to sleep,” he nuzzled Alec’s ear.

Alec leaned back into Magnus’ arms, taking comfort in him for a moment. But he already knew that sleep would be impossible now.  He turned and gently kissed Magnus’ lips before getting out of bed, even as his boyfriend protested.

Clad only in boxer briefs, Alec trudged out into the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker before making his way to the bathroom.  He stepped into the shower and just stood under the hot stream of water, starting to drift off after a few minutes.  His sister’s stricken face and her blood-curdling scream echoed in his mind, jolting him awake again.

“Izzy is safe,” he muttered to himself. “She’s studying biology at NYU, remember?”

Alec stepped out of the shower five minutes later, not feeling much better.  He stood in front of the mirror and wiped away a streak of fog on the glass.  Staring at his condensation-blurred reflection, he studied his pale face which only made the dark bags under his eyes that much more stark.  He looked as exhausted as he felt.  

The smell of freshly brewed coffee broke through his hazy thoughts and brought him back to the present.  Wrapping a towel around his waist, he returned to the kitchen and poured himself a large mug of coffee.  He took it black, and brewed extra strong.  Magnus would often scrunch up his nose and say, “That’s enough caffeine to wake an elephant, Alexander.  It can’t be good to consume that much.”

To which Alec would just smile and pour another cup, earning a dramatic eye roll.

The kitchen was dark and quiet this morning; empty.  Lonely.  

Alec sighed and wandered out into the living room, stopping in front of the large window that looked out over the bay.  The skyline of Manhattan glowed in the predawn darkness, lights twinkling like the stars that were all but invisible to those who lived in the city.  Alec watched the dawn come, trying to forget about the horrors that his mind conjured in the dark.

_____________________

 

The hallucinations started out as shadows in Alec’s peripheral vision.  On the subway, he saw a shadow looming up beside him, but when he turned his head, nothing.  He shook his head and switched the song playing on his phone, and adjusted his earbuds.  An elderly woman sitting across the aisle smiled at him.  Alec grimaced back at her, not quite able to manage a genuine grin. 

Movement on his left side.  His gaze darted to the side; just a young couple giggling over something on the girl’s phone.  Alec shifted awkwardly, stretching his neck side to side.  He took a long sip of his coffee.  Since his stop was next, Alec gathered his belongings and stood up, gripping the hand rails.  The train slowed drastically, making Alec lean forward.  Once stopped, Alec made his way to the doors, and glanced over at the elderly woman.

She grinned at him, rows of dagger-sharp teeth dripping viscous green saliva.  Her eyes glowed neon blue as her gaze bored into his own.  Alec quickly looked away and then back, meeting concerned and inquisitive, but normal human eyes.  He blinked a few times, shaking his head, and stepped out onto the subway platform.  The train took off, leaving Alec standing there, heart pounding.

_ What the hell was that? _

Glancing around nervously at the other people in the station, Alec made his way up to the surface, squinting at the sudden brightness.  The entire way to campus, he didn’t see any other monster people, so he decided to shrug it off as just a fluke.  A momentary lapse of reality in his mind.  He vaguely realized that this little bit of sleep deprived logic was not sound, but he decided not to question it.

“Alec!” a familiar voice shouted from the steps of the history building.  Isabelle Lightwood, Alec’s little sister, bounded down the stairs and nearly tackled him with a hug.  “Guess what?”

“What?” he asked, unable to keep the trepidation out of his voice.  When Izzy got this excited about something, it almost never meant anything good for him.  Especially since she was in the science department, which was practically on the opposite end of campus.

“I needed a humanities elective, so it looks like I’m in your World History class!” She grinned up at him. “You’re Professor Starkweather’s TA this semester, right?”

Alec just stared dumbly at his sister, trying to process what she had said.  “Why?” he finally managed to ask.  “You hate history.”

“But if I take your class, I’m sure it’ll be somewhat interesting,” she linked her arm in his, as they walked into the building.

“I’m not going to go easy on grading your stuff because you’re my sister,” he muttered.

“No fair!” Izzy slapped his arm, but he knew she was joking.  Izzy may find history dreadfully boring, but she always gave her best effort in everything she did.  Being pre-med required that, Alec supposed.

Something on Izzy’s skin caught his eye, a black swirling design tattooed on her skin.  The sleeve of her shirt covered half the symbol, but he stopped just outside the classroom door and asked, “What’s that?”

Izzy frowned and looked down at her arm, “What? Is there something on my shirt?”

Alec glanced at it again, but it was gone.  Alarm bells went off in the back of his mind, but he stubbornly ignored them.  He turned to walk into the classroom and stopped dead in his tracks.  The classroom was full of students who all turned to look at the newcomers.  Except they weren’t normal - their faces were distorted into monstrous grimaces, eyes glowing a sickly yellow-green.  The one closest to Alec hissed, spraying spit.

He backed up into his sister, who looked up at him in concern.  Her skin was covered in those black swirling designs again.  The ruby pendant their grandmother had given her pulsed angrily at her neck, but she didn’t seem to notice.  

“Alec? Are you okay?”

Focusing on her deep brown eyes, Alec swallowed, trying to not to fall into a full-on panic attack.  He slowly blinked and everything was normal again.  The students didn’t even seem to notice the two siblings standing in the doorway.  Izzy had rested her hand on Alec’s arm, squeezing gently.  She looked genuinely concerned.

“I-I don’t f-feel well,” he managed to sputter.  “Tell Hodg- Professor Starkweather that I need a moment.”  Without waiting for a response, Alec turned and practically ran to the men’s bathroom.  

Alec leaned up against a sink, cold water running at full pressure.  He splashed some on his face and glanced up at his reflection.  His pupils were fully blown, the hazel of his irises only a sliver.  His skin was pale and pasty. His heart beat so fast, he was sure it was about to burst out of his chest.

It was in that moment that Alec Lightwood was utterly convinced that he was going insane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the next chapter by the end of the weekend! This is kind of an interim chapter - a build-up to what's coming . . . 
> 
> Cute domestic Malec gives me life.

_ He felt like he was floating, half awake, but slipping in and out of awareness.   _

_ “What the hell happened?” a familiar voice asked, panic evident in his tone. _

_ “We were ambushed,” a female voice answered.  Her voice was calm but strained. “Iratzes aren’t working on him, I don’t know what attacked him . . .” _

_ Someone was sobbing, a girl.  The floating feeling was replaced by softness and warm hands landed on his face, his chest, checking him over. _

_ “Magnus - “ the sobbing voice started. _

_ “Izzy, it’s not your fault,” another female voice consoled. Alec vaguely thought of red hair. _

_ “That should be me,” the crying voice - Izzy? _

_ Warmth started to spread through Alec’s body.  Had he been cold before?  Though everything was black, he felt the world start to spin.  The male voice cursed, and the warmth intensified.  His black world turned bright blue. _ __

_ “Fuck!” the warmth disappeared.  “Sopor demon. Fucking Goddammit!” _

 

A sudden weight on his chest woke him.  He was on the couch in the loft, one of his history books lay open on the floor.  Glittery, spiked hair tipped with red brushed his face, and Magnus shifted to look up at his boyfriend.  His eyes were lined in thick eyeliner, doused with hot pink glitter.  Alec smiled tiredly at the man on top of him.  He must have dozed off.

“Hello,” his voice was raspy from sleeping.

“Mmmmm,” Magnus nuzzled his chin before placing a light kiss against Alec’s jawline.  “I didn’t want to interrupt your nap, but you just look _ positively _ irresistible.  Also, I’m off to work and I need my goodbye kiss.  It’s better than caffeine.”

Alec scoffed.  “Nothing is better than caffeine.”

Magnus mocked offense as Alec sat up and kissed him.  What started as a chaste meeting of lips turned passionate, Magnus’ tongue brushing against Alec’s teeth.  He obligingly opened to the kiss and slid his arms around the other man’s slim shoulders. Their tongues danced in perfect synchrony, and Alec moaned when Magnus adjusted his weight just right to rub against a certain part of his anatomy that was quickly becoming aroused.  

He pulled away, eyes lighting up mischievously when Alec whined.  “Caffeine still better?”

“Nope, I take that back.  Kissing you is definitely better,” Alec leaned in to kiss him again.

Magnus smiled into the kiss, but kept it short and sweet.  Alec frowned when his boyfriend’s warm weight left, and watched petulantly as Magnus readjusted his hair and clothes.  He was wearing tight black leather pants and a deep, royal purple shirt that exposed a good amount of skin on his chest.  Only two or three necklaces adorned his chest tonight, but they rested perfectly on his tanned skin.  Magnus was beautiful as always.

“You should go to bed, love,” he looked down at Alec affectionately.  “You need the sleep, and that couch will be hell on your back.  Believe me, I should know.”

Alec couldn’t help blushing at the memory of their first time on this couch.  He had been a bit rough - not that Magnus ever complained about roughness - and Magnus had had a stiff back for a few days afterward.  

Magnus chuckled, “After all we’ve done to each other, you still blush like a schoolgirl.”

Alec glared up at the other man, which only made him laugh harder.

“Ah, but that’s one of the many things I love about you, Alexander.” He leaned down and kissed him again before turning away.  “It’s only Thursday night, so Pandemonium will close at three and I’ll be home by four.  But you should be blissfully asleep by then.”  

Before Magnus could walk away, Alec grabbed his wrist.  At the mention of being ‘blissfully asleep,’ the events of the past day came crashing down around him.  The shadows and hallucinations, his freak-out at school.  He had gone home after that. His professors had all been understanding when he had emailed that he thought he was getting the flu.  A lie, but it sounded better than, “I’m seeing monsters all over campus.”  He had turned his phone off after Izzy’s tenth call and dozens of texts.  She must have told Jace too, because he’d gotten numerous texts from his adoptive brother too.

_ Jace _ .  At the thought of his brother, Alec felt a dull ache on his left side.  He unconsciously touched the area.  

Magnus turned and Alec nearly jumped out of his skin.  Where his boyfriend’s eyes had been a deep brown, they were now yellow-green.  Glowing with slanted pupils - like a cat’s.  Alec blinked and they were normal again.

“Alexander, are you okay?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Y-yeah,” he answered, shakily.  He avoided eye contact because he knew he was a horrible liar.  

“We’ll talk then, tomorrow, yeah?  Something’s going on with you and I just want you to be okay,” Magnus’ voice was full of worry.  Alec suddenly felt guilty - he shouldn’t keep this from Magnus.

“When you get home.  I-I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep much,” Alec glanced up.

Magnus frowned, but nodded, leaning down to kiss Alec’s forehead before leaving. Alec looked around the now-empty loft, suddenly feeling more alone than he had ever felt before. 

________________

It was 4:15 by the time Magnus got home, and true to his word, Alec was still awake.  He didn’t hear the front door open or his boyfriend’s footsteps come closer.  Reruns of some 80s sitcom were playing on the TV, not that Alec was paying much attention.  He had been zoned out for the past few hours, exhausted but unable to allow himself to sleep.  

“I told you to sleep,” Magnus leaned over the back of the couch and brushed some hair off Alec’s face.  

Snapping out of it, Alec smiled tiredly up at his boyfriend.  His eye makeup was smudged and his spiked hair had lost most of its volume, but he was still gorgeous.  

“I tried,” Alec answered.  And he had.  Around midnight he had gone to bed and stared up at the ceiling for an hour before drifting off.  He had woken thirty minutes later, covered in a cold sweat, visions of black miasma, glowing red eyes and blinding blue energy vibrant in his mind.  

“Maybe you should see someone,” Magnus said, hesitation in his voice.  Before Alec could react, he continued.  “I’m worried about you.  You’ve had insomnia before, but not his bad.  Never nightmares like the ones you’ve been having.”  He brushed his thumb across Alec’s cheek.  “Your siblings are very concerned too.  Izzy called me tonight, freaking out that you were acting weird and not picking up your phone.”

Alec closed his eyes and sighed.  “You know how dramatic Izzy can be.”

“Yes, but she said you freaked out in front of a whole classroom and disappeared?”

Alec reached up and took his hand, kissing his knuckles before squeezing it reassuringly.  “Yeah, maybe I should see a doctor . . . I’ve been, uh . . . seeing things . .”  Alec looked away, unable to bring himself to meet Magnus’ eyes after saying it.  Saying it out loud made it more real.

“Seeing things?”

“Y-yeah, like, when, um, when I’m awake.  It started today,” he added hurriedly, hoping Magnus wouldn’t think his boyfriend was going bat-shit crazy.  Because Alec certainly felt like he was going bat-shit crazy.

Alec felt Magnus freeze and he bit his lip.  “What kinds of things?” he whispered.

“Monsters, like the ones I dream about,” Alec looked up into Magnus’ concerned eyes.  

Moving around the couch to sit next to Alec, Magnus took his face in his hands.  He stared intently at Alec and rested their foreheads together, never breaking eye contact.  “I’m here for you, always and forever, you know that right?”

Swallowing hard, Alec managed a small nod.  “Yeah.”

“Good,” Magnus leaned back and squeezed Alec’s knee, comforting him.  “You should see Val.  It’s probably nothing but stress and anxiety - nothing you haven’t faced before.” Magnus managed to grin at him.  “I see you over thinking things.  You’re not crazy, darling.  Well, only for me, but that’s just a given.”

Alec rolled his eyes, “Uh huh.”

“Come on, to bed we go,” Magnus patted his boyfriend’s thigh and offered Alec a hand.  He took it and followed Magnus into their bedroom, trying to feel relieved.  But he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Thirty minutes later, Alec lay in bed staring up at the ceiling.  Magnus was snuggled up against him, head resting on his shoulder, hand over his heart.  His breathing was slow and deep.  Alec pulled him in closer, hoping the contact would ease his nerves.  He’d been seeing shadows from the corner of his eyes the past few minutes.  Every time he tried to look at them directly, they dissolved into the darkness.  If he held his breath and listened, Alec could hear indistinct whispers in the dark.  

Trembling, Alec turned his body so that he was facing Magnus.  Still mostly asleep, Magnus wrapped his arms around the taller man, drawing him into his chest.  Alec breathed in his scent, and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.  Closing his eyes, he finally was able to drift off.

_ “Isn’t there anything you can do?” _

_ “I’m doing everything I can, biscuit.  Sopor venom is insidious and extremely difficult to purge.”  The voice was strained, exhausted.  “It wraps itself around the victim’s mind like a malignant, cancerous spider’s web.” _

_ “But you can stop it.” _

_ Hesitation.  A hitched breath. _

_ “I may have been too late.”  The voice cracked on those last two words.  Alec distantly thought it sounded like a heart breaking.  Maybe it was his own. _

His eyes flew open to darkness.  He glanced over at the clock, only twenty minutes had passed.  Ignoring the shadows and whispers at the edge of his awareness, Alec lay awake until dawn.

_____________________

“What can I do for you, Alec?” Dr. Valentine Morgenstern asked, shuffling files around on his desk.  He looked up at Alec and smiled warmly.  His desk was littered with patient charts and photos of his family: Jocelyn, Clary and him at her graduation; a ten-year-old Clary with her arms wrapped around her father’s neck, both laughing.  Something seemed wrong about that to Alec, but he shook it off.  Clary loved her father; he was a great father.  Right?

“Uh,” Alec began as eloquent as ever. “I just wanted some advice? Dr. Morgenstern,” he added belatedly.

The other man laughed, “Please, Alec.  Dr. Morgenstern is what Jace calls me.  You can call me Val.”

Alec chuckled, feeling a bit more comfortable.  For some reason, Jace was terrified of Clary’s father.  Ever since Jace had started dating his daughter, Valentine had jokingly given him a hard time, but Jace had taken it seriously, much to Clary’s amusement.  

“I’ve been, uh, having . . . trouble sleeping lately,” Alec stuttered.  Telling Magnus had been hard, but telling a family friend and doctor was turning out to be more difficult.  What if Val just told him he was going crazy? What if he had Alec committed?  Shaking those thoughts away, Alec continued. “I’ve been getting these really vivid nightmares . . . and I’ve started seeing things while I’m awake.”

There was a few moments silence as Val studied him.  “You think you’ve been hallucinating?” he asked.

“Y-yeah, I-I guess so,” Alec studied the floor, suddenly finding it incredibly interesting.

“How long have you been having trouble sleeping?”

“Uh, about two or three weeks?”

“How much sleep do you think you get per night?” Val’s tone was professional, clinical.

Alec’s gaze flicked up to the doctor sitting across from him.  “If I’m lucky, maybe an hour or two?”

Val nodded and reached over to his prescription pad.  “I can’t say for sure why you’re having such bad dreams, Alec.  That’s more a therapist’s role than a doctor’s - which, I do recommend you sit down with one to root out the underlying causes. But, prolonged insomnia can cause hallucinations and delusions.  Most likely, that’s all this is.” He looked up and gave Alec an encouraging smile.  “Try something like Benadryl or ZzzQuil to fall asleep for a few days.  If those don’t work, here’s a prescription sleeping aid.” He tore off the sheet from his pad and handed it to Alec.  

He took the piece of paper and stared down at it.  He couldn’t read the handwriting - what was it with doctors and horrible handwriting? “Thanks,” he managed.

“I only prescribed enough for a trial run,” Val continued.  “If you think those help and want to continue, I’d highly recommend seeing a sleep specialist.”  He swiveled in his chair and dug around in a drawer behind his desk for a moment.  Finding what he was looking for, Val turned and handed Alec a business card.  “Dr. Loss is a colleague of mine and she’s a neurologist who specializes in sleep disorders.”

“So you don’t think I’m crazy?” Alec asked.

Val laughed, “Crazy? You?  No, Alec.  I’m not qualified to diagnose such things, but nothing else in your behavior suggests that you have a mental illness.  Though,” he hesitated, “we can’t rule it out completely.  One step at a time, yeah?”

Alec nodded and thanked Valentine for his time, leaving his office in a daze.  Maybe it was just sleep deprivation?  He made a mental note to stop by a pharmacy to drop off the prescription and pick up some ZzzQuil.  He’d never tried it, but he knew Benadryl wouldn’t work.  He was one of those rare people that got super energetic after taking it.  If Magnus took even half a Benadryl, he was out for the count for a good eight hours.  Alec just got hyped and jittery.  

He stepped into the elevator, glanced up and froze.  A girl stood in the corner, her long hair dirty and matted.  Her face was extremely pale and her eyes were pure black and didn’t reflect light.  She looked at Alec and screamed, her mouth full of tiny, sharp teeth.  Blood gushed out of her mouth as she just stood in the corner, screaming at him.  Alec blinked, but she was still there.  He backed into the corner farthest from her until the elevator stopped.  The doors opened, revealing a couple who stepped on, unaware of the demonic child.  Alec pushed past them and exited, breathing out a sigh of relief when the doors closed, cutting off that blood-curdling cry.

The stairs looked like a much better option.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three coming by the end of the week (hopefully)!
> 
> Comments and kudos muchly appreciated! They give me energy to write, you know <3
> 
> Visit me at my [tumblr](http://daylightdancer89.tumblr.com)!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy smut ahead - unplanned but it just felt right, ya know? ;)
> 
> I had to split this chapter in two because it was getting long and it made sense from a story standpoint. Have I mentioned that domestic Malec gives me life?
> 
> Unbeta'd because my reader is super busy and I just wanted to get this to you guys (I really do hope people are enjoying this!) So I apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> All characters belong to CC, writing is mine.

Alec’s eyes fluttered open to sunlight streaming through the windows.  For a moment, he felt disoriented, unable to place his surroundings.  Someone had their arm draped across his chest and he turned to see his boyfriend, who was still fast asleep.  Blinking wearily at the brightness, Alec realized that he had slept the  _ entire _ night.  At least, he didn’t remember waking up at all.  

He had gone to the pharmacy yesterday and picked up those sleeping pills because ZzzQuil was just a glorified version of Benadryl and wouldn’t help him sleep at all.  Around ten last night he’d popped one and . . . well, he didn’t remember much after that except laying down in bed.  For the first time in weeks, Alec had slept through the whole night.  No gruesome dreams of monsters and blood, or disembodied voices in the dark.  He still felt exhausted, but no longer that bone weary tiredness that permeated his entire being.

And it was Saturday, so he had no class nor anywhere else to be.  Just him and his beautiful boyfriend laying in bed.  Magnus’ tanned skin stood out starkly against Alec’s own paleness, but he had always loved that contrast.  His face was clear of makeup and his usually perfectly coiffed hair was wild.  Alec was amused to see a pretty dramatic cowlick that he knew Magnus would spend a good fifteen minutes fussing over.  He loved his boyfriend’s outgoing fashion sense, but he adored seeing Magnus stripped bare of the makeup, hair products and flashy clothes because he knew he was one of the only people allowed to see Magnus in this natural state.  

Smiling, Alec reached over and brushed a lock of Magnus’ hair out of his face.  The other man stirred, but only to cuddle in closer.  Alec chuckled, the vibration rumbling through his chest finally waking Magnus.  He blinked a few times and smiled sleepily up at the taller man.  

“It’s too early to be awake,” he murmured.

“You don’t even know what time it is,” Alec countered.

Magnus buried his face in Alec’s chest.  “It’s Saturday.  Therefore, any time is too early.”

Alec laughed again, causing Magnus to look up at him.  “I’ve missed that laugh,” he smiled.  He rolled over onto his back, stretching his arms overhead and sighing contently, very much like a cat.  “You were dead to the world when I got home last night, so I’m assuming those pills worked?”

“I guess so,” Alec replied, distracted by Magnus’ naked chest.  Before Magnus could slip out of the bed, Alec leaned over and kissed him.  Magnus let out a surprised grunt which quickly turned into a contented moan.  His hands slid up Alec’s arms and hooked around his neck, legs spreading to allow the taller man’s body to settle between them.  Alec’s tongue slid along Magnus’ bottom lip, seeking to deepen their kiss and Magnus obliged.  They lay like that for a while, kissing lazily in the sun’s warmth, hands exploring each other’s bodies.  

_ It’s been so long _ , Alec thought, aware of Magnus’ arousal pressing against his own through their boxers.  Because of the nightmares and insomnia, he and Magnus hadn’t had sex in at least two weeks.  He was about to change that.

Without breaking the kiss, Alec rolled his hips, creating a delicious friction between them.  Magnus moaned into his mouth as Alec continued to slowly thrust.  He let Magnus break away and throw his head back into the pillows as he continued to kiss along his boyfriend’s jawline and down his neck, pausing to suck at Magnus’ pulse point.  Legs wrapped around his torso, urging him to move faster as manicured fingers reached down to tug at the hem of Alec’s boxer briefs.  Alec paused long enough for Magnus to slide them down, and he lifted his hips so that Alec could remove the last barrier of fabric between them.  

Magnus moaned at the sight and Alec crashed their mouths back together, his hips picking up where they left off.  This time it was Alec who broke away from the kiss and moaned when Magnus reached down between them to grasp both of their erections.  His hips stuttered as the new sensation sent a shock of pleasure up his spine.  Warmth began to pool in his abdomen and he knew he was close.

“Alec,” Magnus panted, eyes glossy.  “I’m gonna . . .” His words were cut off as Alec kissed him deeply, hips starting to lose their rhythm.  With one last thrust, they came together in a burst of pleasure and electric white light.  

With a contented sigh, Alec rolled off Magnus who immediately curled into his chest, their legs and fingers entwined.  Magnus placed a gentle kiss on Alec’s shoulder, grinning against his skin.  Everything seemed hazy and indistinct as Alec nuzzled Magnus’ hair and blew softly into his ear, making him laugh.  The two lovers lay together, sharing chaste kisses and gentle touches for a while, enjoying just . . . _ being _ .

 

________________

 

_ Alec floated in darkness, hearing muffled crying next to him.  Someone gently squeezed his hand and there was a light touch on his cheek. _

_ "Come back to me, big brother.” Her voice pleaded, raspy from crying.  “Please . . .” _

 

“Rise and shine, darling,” Magnus gently shook Alec awake.

He moaned in frustration and tried to wave his boyfriend away.  “‘Nother five minutes.”

Magnus laughed, “You said that thirty minutes ago.  We’ve been in bed all day.  Now it’s night and I have to go to work.  And it’s Sherman’s birthday; you promised Isabelle you would go.”

“Who the hell is Sherman?”  Alec griped, then remembered his boyfriend’s penchant for ‘forgetting’ Simon’s name.  “Oh, yeah.  Simon. Birthday. People.” He groaned. He rolled over and squinted at Magnus, who was already dressed and ready to go.  Tonight, the tips of his hair were blonde, and he had gone light on the eye makeup in favor of  _ a lot _ of golden glitter.  With the mixture of his tanned skin and the glitter, Magnus looked like he was literally made of gold.  He wore a deep red tunic with golden brocade and black leather pants.  Alec wanted to drag him into bed and take it all off, but instead he whined.  “Do I hafta?”

Magnus arched an eyebrow and replied, “I’m not the one who will have to face the wrath of Isabelle Lightwood if you don’t show.  She’s already mad at you for dodging her calls.  Missing an event she planned will only make it worse.”

Izzy and her damn parties.  “She’ll forgive me. I’m her favorite brother.”

Only Magnus could make a derisive snort sound cute, but Alec may have been biased. “Not after tonight you won’t, darling.  Also, I’ll be there so you can always hang out with me all night.  You know how I adore showing off my unbearably hot boyfriend to everyone.”  His lips quirked as Alec blushed.  He never got used to Magnus calling him hot, or gorgeous or beautiful.  He was the only person who ever described Alexander Lightwood that way.

“I’ll make it worth your while when we get home,” Magnus whispered directly in his ear, making Alec turn an even deeper shade of red.

“No fair.  That’s cheating,” Alec grumbled, but sat up anyway.  He yawned and pulled Magnus down for a kiss.

“You’ll thank me later, darling,” Magnus smiled.  He straightened up and added, “Alright, I have to go.  You would think my staff could handle opening on a Saturday night without me, but alas that is not the case.  Carlos will have your names on the VIP list so you won’t have to wait in line.  Tell Sheldon and everyone I apologize for missing out on dinner, but I’ll see them at the club later.”

“Dinner . . .”

“At Taki’s,” Magnus sighed and looked at his watch.  “In thirty minutes, so get your cute and perky ass moving.”

Alec was an adult, so he did the mature thing and stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend, who just laughed.  

After Magnus had left, Alec got ready for the evening.  Unlike Magnus, who took  _ forever and a day _ to get ready for anything, Alec was dressed and somewhat presentable in under fifteen minutes.  He wore a dark blue button-down shirt that Izzy had gotten him for some holiday or birthday, black jeans and black boots.  An attempt was made to tame his bed head, but after five minutes fighting with a brush, Alec gave up.

Realizing his phone was still turned off from the other day, Alec switched it on and winced at the buzzing and beeping of all his notifications popping up at once.  A long tirade in CAPS LOCK from Izzy about him being an ‘inconsiderate jackass who doesn’t even let his sister know he’s alive’.  A few texts from Jace, concerned about Alec, but mostly letting him know he was now dead to his sister.  Alec rolled his eyes at that and pocketed his phone after sending Jace a text that he was on the way.

_ HE LIVES _ , was his brother’s only reply.

_ ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME? _ Izzy’s message popped up not thirty seconds later and Alec sighed.  It was shortly followed by an emoji blowing steam out of its nostrils.  If Izzy was using emojis, she wasn’t too angry . . . he hoped.

Twenty minutes later, Alec stood outside Taki’s Diner and braced himself for the onslaught.  Izzy spotted him as soon as he entered the building and met him at the entrance.

“First, how dare you just disappear on me like that and not even text!  If it weren’t for Magnus letting me know you were alive, I would have called the National Guard on your ass.  What the fuck is going on with you, Alec?” She apparently didn’t expect an immediate reply because she continued, “Two, are you okay?  You really freaked me out the other day and then you didn’t show up to class yesterday.”

Alec immediately felt horrible for making Isabelle worry.  He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. “I’ll be fine, sis.  I’m good now, I promise.” He pulled back and gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Izzy studied him, but decided not to push the matter right at that moment. Alec would have to brace himself for the interrogation at a later time.  Taking his hand, she dragged him to the back where their friends were all crammed into a single booth.  Jace had his arm draped over Clary’s shoulders and Simon sat across from them, animatedly telling some story about a guy he met in the record store the other day.  Clary was listening intently; Jace looked bored.  Izzy slid in next to Simon and Alec pulled a chair away from a nearby table to sit at the end of the booth.  Simon paused his story to look over at the eldest Lightwood sibling and nod a  greeting.  There was a line of blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth.  Alec started and it was gone.  Simon gave him a confused look before shrugging and turning back to Clary to finish the story.

Jace narrowed his eyes at his adoptive brother. “Bro, you okay?” Jace asked once Alec sat down.

“Y-yeah,” Alec avoided eye contact, and scratched the back of his head.  “I’m sorry for being MIA the past two days . . . but I’m good now.”  Alec wasn’t sure about that anymore, but he didn’t want his siblings to worry about him anymore than they had in the past 48 hours.

_ One good night’s sleep doesn’t make up for three weeks of insomnia _ , he told himself.  Alec only wished he could believe himself.

Luckily, Alec didn’t see anything else out of the ordinary at dinner and after an embarrassing rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ over a piece of cheesecake, the group headed out to Pandemonium.  Carlos, the head bouncer, let them in right away, to the dismay of the people waiting in the horrendously long line outside.  Pandemonium was a popular club and according to Izzy, ‘dating its owner has its perks.’

After finding their reserved table in the VIP section, everyone put their stuff down and headed to the bar for drinks.  Alec stayed behind, eyes roaming the crowd, searching for Magnus.  He was surprised when Jace sat down across from him and cocked an eyebrow.  The music pounded around them, the bass vibrating through Alec’s body. Jace started to say something, but Alec motioned that he couldn’t hear anything.  

His brother rolled his eyes and leaned over the table and practically shouted, “Are you okay? And don’t just shrug and look away.  I know you and I know something isn’t right.”

Alec did look away, not knowing what to say.  He rubbed his face and looked back at his brother.  His brother who was now covered in those swirling black tattoos.  He had a flash of memory: Jace walking into a swirling purple vortex, looking back at him, resignation in his eyes.  Pain flared on his left side and he winced, clutching at his side.  

Jace was at his side in an instant, eyes now full of concern.  “Alec! Hey, Alec!”

Alec waved him off, trembling slightly.  “I’m fine, Jace.”

“You’re a horrible liar,” he replied shortly.

Suddenly, Alec felt tired.  Tired of keeping things from his brother, his  _ parabatai _ .  Alec frowned.  What had he just called Jace?

They were interrupted when Izzy, Clary and Simon returned, double fisting drinks.  Alec frowned at a fourth person who followed them into the VIP section.  He was hispanic, pale and looked like he had never smiled in his entire life.

“This is Raphael, that guy I was telling you about.  From the record store,” Simon explained.  He smiled at Raphael, who smirked at him in return, fangs glinting in the black light. Wait,  _ fangs _ ? Izzy and Clary giggled, gushing at how ‘adorable’ they were.  Alec didn’t know what was going on, and at that moment, he didn’t really care.  Jace just looked confused.

“I’m going to find Magnus,” Alec shouted above the music and left before anyone could stop him.  He stepped over to the bouncer guarding the VIP section and asked him where he could find his boyfriend.  He shrugged and said something about a ‘champagne fiasco’ and nodded his head toward the bar.  Alec thanked him and headed in that direction.  He needed to talk to Magnus before he totally freaked out.

A woman bumped into him, but when he turned to apologize, he blanched.  Her eyes glowed neon blue, her mouth nothing slim lips stretched over rows of sharp teeth.  Her fingers curled into claws and she hissed at him.  Alec stumbled away and into a man who had ram’s horns growing from his forehead, his nose missing except for two open slits in his skin.  The monster growled at him and turned away into the crowd.  A crowd that was now a writhing mass of creatures, inhuman and terrifying, the music now drowned out by shrieks and growls.  Alec backed up until his back hit something solid; the bar, a wall, a column, he didn’t know.  He couldn’t breathe.  His heart pounded and sweat dripped down his neck.   _ He couldn’t breathe. _

A hand on his arm.  He looked up into glowing yellow-green cat’s eyes.  Magnus.  

Magnus looked frightened and his lips were moving.  He was talking, but Alec couldn’t hear anything.  He couldn’t hear anything but his own heart and the shrieks of monsters.  They were moving now; Magnus had a death grip on his arm and was pulling him through the crowd.  Monsters turned to stare at them as they passed, glowing eyes glaring. 

Then there was silence.  Alec looked around and realized they were in Magnus’ sound-proofed office. He was pushed gently onto the couch in the corner and Magnus’s hands cupped his cheeks, firm but gentle.  His eyes were back to normal, Alec realized vaguely.  His heart was going so fast. So very fast.  His lungs couldn’t keep up, and he gasped for air.

“-ander.  Alexander, look at me,” Magnus’ voice.  “You are safe. I’m here.  Baby, please look at me.”

Alec looked at him.  He tried to speak, _ but there was no air _ .

“Shhhh, don’t speak. Just breathe.  In through your nose and out through your mouth. Can you do that for me?” his thumbs caressed Alec’s cheeks.  They were wet.  When had he started crying?

Alec nodded mutely, and did as Magnus asked.  They breathed together, and after a few minutes, Alec’s pulse slowed and he no longer felt like he was suffocating.  Magnus pulled him down so that his head rested in his lap.  He played with Alec’s hair as he calmed down, whispering meaningless, yet comforting things.  

“I’m taking you home,” Magnus said, once Alec’s breathing had normalized.  

Alec made to protest.  Magnus couldn’t just leave his job.

His boyfriend understood and cut him off, “They can manage without me tonight.  Your well being is more important and I’m not going to send you off in an Uber alone.  Not like this.”

“I-I-Izzy,” Alec managed to stutter.

“Shh, darling.  I’ll text her and say you’re not feeling well. Don’t worry about anything but remaining calm, okay?”

Alec nodded and Magnus leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I’ll be right back.  Just lay here and focus on breathing.”

Magnus rushed out the door, already texting someone, presumably Izzy.  Alec curled up on the couch, tucking his knees against his chest.  What the hell was happening to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to get the next chapter up by the 27th. I'll be at a convention all that weekend, so we'll see.
> 
> Comments and kudos give me inspiration <3<3
> 
> Visit me on [tumblr](http://daylightdancer89.tumblr.com)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are quickly falling apart for Alec, poor guy. Everything should make sense after this chapter, plus a surprise guest . . . 
> 
> Again, unbeta'd because my reader is super busy, but I always go over everything 2-3 times before I publish. But I'm only human so I apologize for any mistakes!

_ “Alexander.” _

He stirred, but unconsciousness engulfed him again.  Alec didn’t want to fight it either; he just wanted to sleep.

_ “Alexander?” _

The voice called again, familiar.  Alec’s eyes fluttered open, wondering why Magnus would be calling for him.  He glanced over at the clock: 3:20AM.  He groaned and made to get up, but was prevented by the arm draped over his side.  Alec froze and turned to see his boyfriend sleeping soundly beside him.

True to his word, Magnus had accompanied him home and stayed with him.  Alec couldn’t bring himself to tell Magnus the details of what had happened at Pandemonium.  All that his boyfriend knew was that Alec had had a major panic attack.  A partial truth, though Alec was starting to wonder if he was in the midst of a psychotic break.  As soon as they returned to the loft, he had taken one of those pills and promptly went to bed.  With the night he was having, it hadn’t taken long for Alec to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Now Alec was wide awake, listening intently.  From the living room came scuffling, a muted thump and then a muttered curse.  Carefully disentangling himself from Magnus and the sheets, Alec slipped out of bed and went to the closet where he kept a wooden baseball bat. Magnus had scoffed at Alec when he bought it, but he had reminded his boyfriend that they lived in Brooklyn where people got robbed frequently.  Gripping the bat tightly, Alec crept out through the hallway and into the living room.

A shadowy figure was moving around in the dark, their back to Alec.  He raised the bat and was about to swing when the person turned around.  Even in the dim light coming through the large bay windows, Alec would recognize that face. 

“Magnus?” he whispered in disbelief.  He turned to glance back toward the bedroom and then again at the man standing before him.  “H-how did you . . .?”

“Alexander.” Something passed through this other Magnus’ eyes, a strange mixture of sadness and relief.   It was gone in an instant as he brightened and moved closer, but paused when he noticed the baseball bat.  “You’ve nothing to fear from me, darling.”  
Alec swallowed past the lump in his throat.  “Y-you’re not real.  You’re not my Magnus.” His voice came out hoarse.  This was the most vivid hallucination yet.  He almost seemed more real than anything else in the loft, including the Magnus sleeping peacefully in their bedroom.  Alec could see every detail of his face, from the bold eyeliner and coiffed hair, to the minute facial expressions and body movements that made Magnus inexplicably _Magnus_.  

This Magnus’s smile faded, “I’m not the hallucination, Alexander.” He gestured to the loft around them.  “This is.”  
“What are you talking about?”

“This . . . mundane world is not real.  You and I are the only real things - people - here.” He stepped closer, close enough to touch Alec if he wanted. 

Before Alec could reply, the lights flicked on.  He spun around to see his Magnus standing at the far end of the room, blinking sleepily in the sudden light. He was clad in a pair of gray sweats and an old tank top that said “The Bible said Adam and Eve So I Did Both.”

“Is everything okay, babe?” he asked, eyeing the baseball bat.

“Babe?” the other Magnus asked.  From the corner of his eye, Alec saw him wrinkle his nose.  “Really, Alexander?”

“I-I thought I heard someone out here,” Alec lowered the bat and scratched the back of his head.  “Obviously it was nothing so . . .”  

Even half-asleep, Magnus’ eyes were full of concern as he came to stand in front of Alec.  He leaned his forehead against Alec’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around the taller man.  Alec closed his eyes and returned the embrace, feeling comforted and awkward at the same time.  The hallucinatory Magnus was studying the exchange with an unreadable expression.

“Come back to bed, darling.”

Sighing, Alec stepped away and ran a hand through his messy hair.  “I don’t think I can.  I’m too alert . . . adrenaline . . . and all that.” He trailed off, avoiding eye contact.  He’d been doing a lot of that recently.  “You should go back to sleep though.  You look tired.”

Magnus looked like he was about to say something, but Alec interrupted.  “I just need to be alone right now, okay?  We’ll talk in the morning . . . please?”

Now it was his Magnus that had an unreadable expression, his lips pressed into a thin line.  He studied Alec for a moment before nodding, and walked away.  He paused and started to turn back, but shook his head and disappeared down the hallway.  Guilt clutched painfully at Alec’s chest as he watched Magnus walk away.  He hadn’t kept anything from his boyfriend since the very beginning of their relationship, when he was still an awkward, closeted boy.  But how could he tell the love of his life that his grip on reality was shattering?

“Not to make light of the current situation . . . but you could imagine me wearing anything, or frankly  _ nothing _ , in bed and you chose  _ that _ ?”

Alec resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the very Magnus-like comment before turning to face his current problem.  

“Alexander -”

“One, you’re not real,” Alec hissed under his breath.  The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to hear him talking to an imaginary person.  “Two, go away.”

“You always are so very blunt.  Why did I think a magically induced coma would make you any different,” Magnus retorted.  “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.  Because you’re. Not. Real.”

Magnus rolled his eyes and stepped up to Alec, invading his personal space.  He really wanted to step back, but he wouldn’t let himself be cowed by a freaking hallucination.  They glared at each other for a minute before Magnus sighed, and looked away.  “I didn’t think you’d be so entrenched in this,” he waved his arm to encompass their surroundings, “dreamscape.  That you wouldn’t lose yourself.  Maybe I  _ was _ too late.”  

Alec knew that this Magnus wasn’t real, but the pain in his voice sounded so much like his boyfriend.  Alec knew he shouldn’t play along with whatever this was, but he couldn’t stand seeing Magnus in pain; even a fake one.  Without giving himself time to second-guess himself, Alec reached out and grabbed the other’s arm, both surprised and dismayed at how solid, and how very real, he felt.  

“If I’m going to humor you, we’ll do it outside so the real Magnus doesn’t realize how fucking insane I really am,” Alec muttered.

“That’s very funny, considering how  _ I’m _ the real Magnus and the one in your bed is very much a figment of your imagination.  He’s not even close to being as hot as me.  How dare you dream me so mundane, Alexander!” Magnus teased, allowing Alec to manhandle him out onto the balcony.  

Shutting the door behind them, Alec turned to the other man and crossed his arms.  “Well, get on with it.  Tell me what you want to say so you can go away and I can go back to bed.”  He felt ridiculous standing on his balcony at four in the morning, talking to thin air.

Magnus arched an eyebrow and replied, “What I want is the complete opposite, darling.  I  _ need _ you to wake up.”

“I am awake.”

He laughed, short and derisive, obviously not finding humor in the situation anymore. “This world is merely an illusion.  Alec, you are a Shadowhunter.  You are half angel and you kill demons. Last night you were attacked by a Sopor demon.  They’re incredibly rare and their venom induces a deep sleep in its victims, which allows them to feed off the life force of their victims over a long period of time.  These unfortunate souls live out their entire lives in a dream world, never knowing that none of it is real.  And then they die.”  His tone was sharp and clipped, but softened as he continued, “Luckily, Lydia, Clary and Isabelle were able to drive the demon off you and bring you to me.  I was able to purge most of the venom, but clearly it only takes a small amount to be effective. It’s wrapped itself around your mind like a cancer and I can’t do anything from outside, so I came in.”

Alec stared at him blankly, trying to process everything.  

“I understand why you would dream a world like this,” Magnus added, sadness creeping back into his voice.  “Here, we’re both mundanes, right? Normal people?  No magic, no demons, no . . . Clave, family duty or immortality standing between us.  Everyone you care about can just be happy.  _ We can be happy. _ ”  

Something shifted within Alec, a weight settling on his shoulders and down to his gut that hadn’t been there before.  Dread.  Doubt. Panic started to creep in and he backed away from this hallucination that was becoming so much more real than anything in his life had before.  

“It’s a beautiful world,” Magnus whispered, “but it’s a lie.”

Those last four words hit Alec like a slap in the face.  He looked up at the man standing across from him, his eyes pleading for Alec to believe him.  Turning away to look out at the Manhattan skyline, Alec realized part of him  _ did _ believe, and that scared him so much more than any of the monsters he’d seen.  And then he panicked.

“Get out.” he muttered, jaw clenched, trying to keep himself from falling apart.

“What?” Magnus’ voice fell. “Alexander, please -”

“GET. OUT.” Alec shouted. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” 

He turned around to an empty balcony.  Magnus was gone, leaving no trace that he had ever been there.  Instead of feeling relieved, Alec could only sink into a crouch, hold his head between his knees, and try desperately to cling to reality.

 

_________________

 

Magnus fell back onto the infirmary’s cold floor, clutching his head in pain.  Delving into other people’s minds without their consent was never a smart idea because being unceremoniously tossed out hurt like a bitch.  He already felt the migraine coming as a dull pounding behind his right eye.  Being forced out of Alec’s mind so suddenly and violently had surprised him.  Magnus had known going in that Alec may need some convincing, but he hadn’t been prepared for the complexity of his dream world; how entrenched he was in it.

And it hurt Magnus more than he even wanted to admit to himself, Alec’s rejection.  Sure, Alec had rejected him plenty of times before he decided to stop lying to himself and his family.  But those rejections had quickly been forgotten: Magnus had the day Alec strode down that wedding aisle and claimed him in front of everyone seared into his memory.  It was arguably the best damn day of his life.  But it hurt that Alec would chose a pale imitation of Magnus over the real deal.  He had tried to joke about it, as he always did when he tried to hide his true feelings, but now he just felt hollow.  

On the other hand, Magnus couldn’t blame the young Shadowhunter.  His dreamscape prison was mundane, but safe.  Safe from demons, safe from the Clave and his family’s judgement.  It was safe from that elephant in the room of their relationship: Magnus’ immortality and Alec’s mortality.  Alec had created a world where they could be together,  _ truly together _ .  A place where they could marry . . . and he could grow old with him.  

Magnus lay on the cold, hard floor, and for a moment, bitterly wished that world really existed.

Warm hands gripped his shoulders and helped him sit up.  He looked up and met a pair of concerned green eyes.  Clary touched his head gently, not that that would help the pain at all, but Magnus appreciated the care.  Sitting on his other side, Izzy just looked miserable.  Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, her makeup long gone.  Magnus had never seen her look so vulnerable and powerless.  He cringed at the thought of Isabelle Lightwood feeling powerless, but he knew that’s how she felt.  

“Well, that was a failure,” he quipped.  “Your brother is nothing if not stubborn.”

Izzy’s eyes welled up again, but she managed a shaky laugh.  “He wouldn’t be Alec if he weren’t.”

“We’ll get him back, Isabelle,” Magnus’ voice softened. “I promise.”

Clary helped him to his feet and he turned to stare down at his angelic boyfriend.  They’d only gone on a few casual dates - their lives as a Shadowhunter and High Warlock had unsurprisingly gotten in the way as of late.  Between Valentine running amok, Jace missing and suspected of treason by the Clave, and “Mommy Dearest” Lightwood breathing down their necks, Alec and Magnus hadn’t had many opportunities to be alone.  He reached down and brushed the back of his hand along Alec’s cheek.

“What’s next?” Clary asked, determination clear in her voice.  Magnus knew she was trying to be strong for him and Izzy.  Magnus owed it to both girls to be honest with them.

“I don’t know.”  He avoided looking at them, preferring to study his nails.  He sat down on the bed next to Alexander.  “He threw me out . . . literally.  I probably won’t be able to get back in. His mind will be more guarded now.”

Izzy shook her head, “Why would my brother kick you out? I thought he would be happy to see you!”

Magnus swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure if he should tell Isabelle, knowing it would probably hurt her.  Fingers grasped his chin and he was forced to look into her eyes.  “What aren’t you telling us, Magnus?”

“I told you what Sopor venom does.”

Clary frowned.  “It induces a deep sleep, where a person lives out their life in a dream world, right?”

“Yes, but I failed to mention that it’s usually an ideal dreamworld,” Magnus admitted.  “Sopor venom unlocks a person’s deepest desires and makes them seem like reality.  Alexander . . .” Magnus hesitated, “He thinks he’s a mundane.  There’s no such thing as Shadowhunters, nor demons.  We’re all regular people . . . safe and happy.”

Izzy sat down next to Magnus and brushed the hair off Alec’s forehead.  “I don’t get the mundane thing, but ‘safe and happy.’ That’s all he would ever want for the people he cares about,” she murmured, then bit her lip.  

“But it’s not real,” Clary interjected.  

Magnus looked at the redhead, sympathy etched in his features.  “No, but it’s hard to break someone out of a delusion so profound.”

“Can’t you try to go back?” Clary asked.  “Maybe you got through to him a little bit, and he’ll let you back in?”  She was grasping at straws, and she knew it.

The warlock sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “As much as it pains me to say this, I have no . . . tangible connection to Alec.  Emotional, sure.  But a metaphysical connection might guarantee me access.”

“Metaphysical connection?” Izzy frowned.

Magnus’ head popped up, but he immediately deflated. “There may be a way, but it’s impossible at the moment.”  It seemed Izzy knew what his thought was because the hope in her eyes dimmed.  Only Clary looked confused.

“Jace,” Izzy explained, eyes downcast.  “Their  _ parabatai _ bond may allow Magnus and Jace in, but . . .”

“Jace isn’t here,” Clary finished.

Izzy seemed to regroup when she looked up at Clary and then over at Magnus.  “He’ll come back,” she stated.

“Isabelle . . . “ Magnus started, but she cut him off, shaking her head.

“No, he’ll come back.  He’ll know something is horribly wrong with Alec.  If nothing else would give him the resolve to escape Valentine, it would be the knowledge that his brother is dying.”

No one had spoken that truth aloud until now, and something seemed to break inside Magnus.  Logically, he knew Alec would die if they didn’t wake him up, but it hadn’t seemed real until Izzy acknowledged it with words.  Clary looked especially upset. Not only had she and Alec grown much closer in the last few weeks, but Magnus knew she missed Jace, and any mention of him dampened her mood.  She had barely come to terms with him being her brother before he sacrificed himself for his friends’ safety.

The uncomfortable silence was interrupted by Magnus’ phone going off.  He slid it out of his pocket and immediately stood up, seeing the name across his screen. He had to take this.  Without saying anything, Magnus walked out of the infirmary and found a secluded section of hallway.  He redialed the number and she picked up on the first ring.

“Cat,” Magnus greeted unceremoniously.  “Did you find anything?”  

The warlock on the other end ‘hmphed’ at Magnus’ lack of manners, but replied, “Yes, I think so.  But I don’t know if it will help you at all.”

“Try me.”

“So, very few people have survived a Sopor demon attack. The last recorded survivor died over fifty years ago.”

Magnus’ heart sank, but he encouraged his long-time friend to continue.  Catarina Loss was a powerful warlock in her own right, but she preferred to lay low, healing mundanes in a New York hospital.  She disguised herself as a nurse.  Magnus had never quite understood the reasoning there.

“She was a Shadowhunter,” Cat explained.  “And she had help from a warlock who is also, unfortunately, no longer with us.  Tessa managed to track down the warlock’s memoir - so be sure to send her a ‘thank you’ -”

“Catarina, I love you, but please stop digressing,” Magnus interrupted, tersely.

She made an annoyed ‘tsk’ before continuing, “The warlock mentioned something about destroying the demon’s avatar.  He didn’t go into any more detail because he wasn’t compensated well and spent most of that entry complaining about how self-righteous Shadowhunters are.  Speaking of which, why are you so involved in Shadowhunter business, Magnus? I thought you had sworn off getting involved with them after . . .”

“Things change,” Magnus sighed.  “Alexander is different.  I don’t know what this is yet, Cat, but I haven’t felt this way about anything, or anyone, for a long time. Or maybe ever, to be honest.”

There was silence on the other end.  Finally, “I hope everything works out, Magnus.  And I hope to meet this Alexander of yours.”

“You will,” Magnus promised.  “Thank you, Cat.”

He ended the call and rushed back toward the infirmary, his promise ringing emptily in his ears.  He couldn’t guarantee or promise anything.  Rarely did Magnus Bane feel helpless, but he did now.  So unbearably helpless.  He was about to enter the infirmary when someone rushing around the corner ran smack into him, knocking Magnus back against the opposite wall.  The man didn’t even stop to acknowledge the warlock.  Magnus caught a glimpse of black leather and blonde hair before he heard him speak.

“What happened to Alec?”

Jace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys! I hope ya'll are enjoying this :D I'm pretty confident this is the midway chapter, so expect 7 (maybe 8?) chapters total? We'll see how wordy I get . . . 
> 
> Also, I'll be at an anime convention this weekend, so I don't know if I'll have much time to write . . . so the next update may be closer to mid-next week.
> 
> Comments and kudos give me life! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the long wait! Animazement tired me out more than I thought it would and then I've had to work ALL week. But here's Chapter 5! I'm not entirely happy with it, but oh well *shrugs*
> 
> I'm hoping to wrap this up in 2-3 more chapters, depending on how verbose I end up being ^^' I have another multi-chap fic idea which will be 90% fluff so look forward to that in the near future!
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes!
> 
> Also, some dialogue from episodes 1x06 and 1x13 is used during flasbacks, otherwise everything else is my writing :)

The words in front of him were blurry as Alec sat at his kitchen table the next morning.  He was supposed to be reading this paper for his Eastern European history class, but he couldn’t focus on the words.  Ever since his encounter with the other Magnus last night, the world seemed hazy, out of focus.  Instead of nightmares, his dreams had been plagued by memories of a different life: militaristic training, Isabelle wielding her whip with deadly precision, Magnus handing him a drink and snapping his fingers, igniting the alcohol in a flash of blue . . .

“Alexander,” a voice snapped him out of his reverie.  

Alec glanced up at the ‘real’ Magnus, who was wearing an apron that said “KISS THE COOK” printed in CAPSLOCK above a large arrow pointing down.  It had been a gag gift from Jace, but Magnus loved the stupid thing and wore it whenever he had the excuse.  Currently, he was making pancakes, but Alec could barely smell them.  It was like the memory of a scent.  Everything seemed unreal this morning.

“Bacon or turkey sausage?” Magnus asked.

“Um . . .” Alec stared at his boyfriend blankly.  Magnus looked at him expectantly, his brown eyes showing hints of impatience.  He looked like Magnus, he talked like Magnus, but Alec just  _ knew _ he wasn’t Magnus.  He couldn’t explain why, but something about the man standing across the kitchen was completely alien and wrong.   _ He isn’t real _ , a voice pleaded in the back of his mind.  

“Turkey sausage it is,” Magnus quipped before rooting around in the fridge.  

Alec swallowed around the lump in his throat and stared back down at the paper in front of him, startled to see he had been doodling all over the pages.  Symbols in swirling black ink covered the paper, drawing him in.  He had never seen them before, but somehow they were familiar.  In contrast to the indistinct world around him, these . . .  _ runes _ were in stark focus, demanding his attention. Without allowing himself to think too hard on the reason why, Alec brought the pen to his arm and started to draw.  Graceful lines appeared on his forearm as he watched in a surreal kind of detachment.  Once done, he stared at the symbol.   _ Recall _ , the voice whispered in the recesses of his mind.

_ “Are warlocks always this cryptic?” he asked, staring down into his cocktail, heart pounding away in his rib cage.  The drink was strong and burned his throat, but in that moment he was tempted to down the entire thing. _

_ “I’m not being cryptic, I’m being coy,” Magnus replied, staring out the window. He turned around and Alec forgot how to breathe. How could such a stunning person be interested in him in any way? _

The plate of pancakes and sausage being placed in front of him snapped him back to reality, or whatever this world was.  Alec stared as Magnus sat down across from him and proceeded to drown his pancakes in syrup.  The more he studied Magnus, the more fake he seemed.  Magnus was supposed to sparkle - and not just in the ‘covered in glitter’ way - but his very personality, his soul, was supposed to be so blindingly bright that Alec was often afraid he would be blinded and overwhelmed by his mere presence.  He was intense, witty and sarcastic and just . . .  _ more _ than the man sitting across from him.

An image of the Magnus from last night flashed across his memory, and his heart leapt.  _ It’s a beautiful world, but it’s a lie _ .  

“Alec,” Magnus’ voice pulled him back to the present. 

He blinked and met his boyfriend’s gaze.  The other man looked concerned, but it seemed a pale imitation of the emotion.

“You’re really out of it this morning.  And don’t tell me you’re fine, because I know you’re not.  Not after last night at Pandemonium. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but please promise you’ll talk to someone?  Maybe call that sleep specialist tomorrow?”

Alec barely had time to process his words when someone buzzed up to their apartment.  Who would be visiting them on a Sunday morning?  He frowned as Magnus rushed to let their mysterious guest into the building.   

Magnus gave him an apologetic look and explained, “It’s your mother. She insisted on coming over this morning to see you . . . “

The words hit home and Alec blinked, “You called my mother?”

“No . . . I told Izzy you weren’t feeling well last night, but I’m pretty sure she saw at least part of your panic attack.  She called your mother and Maryse called me first thing this morning.”

“Why?”

Magnus looked confused.  “‘Why’ what?”

“Why would my mother call you? She hates you . . .” Alec’s words drifted off at the incredulous look on Magnus’ face.

“Hates me?” he exclaimed. “Alec, your mother  _ loves _ me.  She loves us.  She and Izzy are practically planning our wedding already . . . you know this.” Magnus added the last part hesitantly.

_ “The fact that he is a guy, as you say, is the least of my worries,” Maryse’s words were cold, her face a mask of icy rage. _

_ “Then what’s the problem?” he asked, genuinely confused.  He had thought that him coming out was the reason his mother was so angry and his father so quiet.   _

_ “That you chose  _ Magnus Bane _.” His mother’s voice dripped with disdain, speaking the warlock’s name like it was a curse.   _

The doorbell rang and Magnus left the kitchen to let Maryse in.  Alec dropped his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut.  The lines between reality and fantasy were blurring and these two vastly different worlds were colliding.  Alec didn’t know which memories were real, or  _ who _ was real.

“Alec, dear,” Maryse stepped into the room and sat down next to her son.  Her long black hair was pulled back into a loose braid and her dark brown eyes were soft with concern.  Soft . . . no, Maryse was always hard, cold.  She was a commander first, a mother second, and expected her children to obey commands, bringing honor to their family name.  Alec had never felt good enough for either of his parents.  

Maryse cupped his cheek with one hand and rested the other lightly on his knee. They were soft and warm.  “Isabelle is very concerned and so is Magnus.  You know you can talk to me.”

Alec vaguely ‘remembered’ that his mother was a therapist in this world.  He almost burst out laughing at that fact.  The part of him that desperately clung to this reality wanted to confide in his mother; his supportive, loving mother who had rushed over to comfort her oldest son.  But this particular lie was a bitter one and it helped Alec clearly differentiate his colliding realities.  

“If not me, then I’m sure Imogen can fit you in tomorrow.  You haven’t needed to see her for a long time, but I’m sure she’ll make room for you . . .”

Alec had had enough of this farce and abruptly pushed his chair back and away from his ‘mother,’ or rather the mother he wished he had always had.  “Stop pretending like you care.  You never have before!” The words left his mouth before he could think twice, and he felt a stab of guilt at the instant hurt that flashed across her features.  Those words had been meant for a different Maryse.

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed, shocked, as Alec stalked out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, slamming the door.  He was quick to turn the lock and slid down the door frame to the floor.  Pulling his knees to his chest, he focused on calming his breathing.

“It’s alright, Magnus,” he heard his mother’s muted voice through the door.  

“Even if he’s having a hard time, he shouldn’t speak to you like that,” was his boyfriend’s reply.  His voice sounded shaky.

“You forget that I have raised four children, my dear.  It comes with the territory.” Maryse paused before continuing, her voice softer. “I don’t know if you realize how good you’ve been for him, Magnus.  He was, casually speaking, an anxious mess before meeting you and coming out. This is probably the longest he’s gone without having a major panic attack.”

Their conversation was too quiet for Alec to understand after that, but a few minutes later there was a light knock on the door.  “Darling?” Magnus asked, voice gentle.  “Your mother and I are going out for a bit.  She thinks it’s best if we give you some time to calm down?”

Alec didn’t answer, which Magnus must have taken as a sign of assent.  “Okay then, I have my cell on me, so call if you need anything?” Then softer so that his mother couldn’t hear probably, “Please don’t shut me out, Alexander.”

Tears pricked at the corners of Alec’s eyes and he bit his lip to prevent them from falling.  He really hoped this was all a dream because he couldn’t stand the knowledge that he was the cause of that pain in Magnus’ voice. 

He waited at least fifteen minutes before emerging from the bathroom. The loft was quiet and empty.  He sighed with relief at finally being alone.  Either the Magnus from last night was right and he was dreaming all of this, or Alec was just going completely insane.  At this point, Alec had to believe this was a dream for his own sake. His returning memories were too detailed, too vivid.  The more he remembered, the more his current world became more surreal.  He wanted out.

“Magnus!” he shouted into the empty loft.  He wasn’t sure how this worked, or if it was just making him look like an idiot.  How does one summon a possibly hallucinatory doppelganger of his boyfriend?  Silence.  “Magnus!”

After shouting his boyfriend’s name repeatedly for a few minutes, Alec gave up.  He suddenly had the urge to go for a run, feeling that it would help clear his mind.  That must be something his awake-self would do, because Alec couldn’t remember the last time he went for a run, let alone  _ wanted _ to.  He was a history student, not a warrior . . . though it was becoming more and more clear that it was probably the other way around.  Changing into workout clothes, Alec grabbed his keys and cell phone, then left the loft, hoping the outside air would give him some clarity of mind.

 

_______________

 

Magnus stood frozen in the doorway as Jace rushed to Alec’s side, ignoring everyone else in the room.  Izzy and Clary had shocked looks on their faces, as if they couldn’t quite believe what they were seeing.  Jace didn’t touch his  _ parabatai _ , but stood next to the bed, hands clenching into fists at his sides.  Magnus couldn’t see the boy’s face, but he could see the strain of tension in his neck and shoulders.

“What happened?” he asked tersely.  

Izzy snapped out of the shock of seeing her missing brother and stepped toward the blonde Shadowhunter.  “Demon venom -”

He didn’t let her finish, instead turning to Magnus and the look in his eyes made the warlock look down at his feet.  Desperation and fear; very much like the emotions he had been feeling the past twenty-four hours.  “Can’t you help him?” his voice cracked a little on the last word, but he quickly composed his features.

“I think I can,” Magnus replied slowly.  “Now that you’re here.  Serendipitous really, your arrival.”  He couldn’t keep the hint of derision out of his voice.  Jace had been missing, presumed traitor, for weeks and it took his  _ parabatai _ being at death’s door for him to come back.  Though Magnus was extremely grateful that Jace cared that much for Alexander, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat bitter for the Lightwood siblings and Clary.  If he could have gotten away so readily, what had taken him so long?

Izzy seemed to have the same thought because her relief at seeing Jace had now turned into a scrutinizing stare.  Clary actively avoided looking at her brother and Magnus could see unshed tears glistening at the edges of her lashes.  A blaze of righteous anger surged in Magnus’ chest, but he kept it tampered down with sheer will.  He needed Jace to save Alexander.  That’s all that mattered at the moment.  They could yell at each other once the oldest Lightwood was awake and well.

“Anything you need of me,” Jace stepped toward Magnus, mismatched eyes intent.  Izzy huffed out a laugh and was about to say something, but Magnus shook his head.

“Now is not the time for family drama,” Magnus quipped.  “We can all yell at Jace to our hearts’ content once Alexander is okay.”

I zzy shut her mouth and nodded curtly.  Clary remained silent.  Jace stared at her for a moment before focusing his attention back on Magnus. Before Magnus could go over the information he’d learned from Catarina and what he needed of Jace, Lydia walked into the room.

“Guys, I don’t want to get your hopes up, but -” she cut off at the sight of Jace.  Her blue eyes widened as she stopped dead in her tracks. Her gaze darted between Jace, Magnus, Alec and the two Shadowhunter girls.  “Jace,” she stated.

“Lydia.”

She turned to Magnus, “Did you know he was coming? Did you let him in?”

“. . . What?” Magnus asked, shocked.

Jace stepped toward Lydia, “They had nothing to do with me getting in.  I did it all on my own.”  At Lydia’s questioning look, he continued.  “I may or may not know a few secret ways out - and into - the Institute.”

“Well, however you got in, the Clave now knows you’re back.  They had warning wards set up around the entire perimeter that were specific to you.”  She swallowed and looked apologetically at Clary, before turning back.  “Jace, I’m afraid I have to place you under arrest.”

Magnus knew this was where the conversation was heading and stepped between the Clave envoy and his only hope of saving Alexander.  Lydia raised an eyebrow at the warlock.

“My hands are tied, Magnus,” she explained.  “If not me, then the special ops team from Idris will take him.  I’m sure they’re on their way as we speak.”

Clary looked up, panicked.  She finally looked at Jace, who met her gaze.  The two seemed to have a silent conversation and Clary looked away again, biting her lip.  

“Jace may be the only way we can save Alec,” Izzy explained, moving to stand next to Magnus. She crossed her arms, touching her whip lightly in warning.  Lydia acknowledged the threat with a sigh, but stood strong, eyes apologetic yet determined.

Magnus just wanted Alexander back.  “Can you buy us some time?” he asked.  “Enough for Jace to help Alec?”

“Yeah,” Jace offered, pushing between the warlock and his sister.  “I’ll go willingly, I promise. But let me help my brother.”

Lydia studied Jace, and her eyes flicked to Alec’s prone figure on the bed behind them.  Something in her gaze softened, and she turned to the side.  She may have let Alec go at their ‘wedding’ but Magnus knew she had started to care deeply for Alexander, even though she knew her feelings would never be reciprocated.  He only hoped that her lingering feelings would allow her to give them some time.

“Lydia, please,” Izzy begged.

She took a deep breath and turned back to face them.  “Thirty minutes.  That’s probably all I can get you.  Once the team from Idris arrives, I won’t be able to stall for long.”

“Thirty minutes?!” Izzy exclaimed.  “That’s -”

Magnus stopped her by holding up a finger to his side.  “That’s fine, we’ll take it.  Hopefully, we won’t need that long.”  Without pausing, he turned and continued, “Dream time works differently; it’s more fluid and tends to run much faster.  Thirty minutes here will hopefully give us plenty of time to find Alexander, convince him he’s not a mundane and wake him up.”  He realized he was probably rambling because Jace and Lydia just looked at him like he was speaking gibberish.

“Find Alec?  Mundane?” Jace asked, confused.  Magnus grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the bed in which Alec lay.  

“Long story short: the demon venom induced a deep sleep in Alec.  He’s trapped in a dreamworld where he thinks he’s a mundane and we need to delve into his mind and wake him up.  That’s where you come in,” Magnus pushed the blonde Shadowhunter to sit on the edge of the bed by Alec’s feet.  “Your  _ parabatai _ bond will let us get inside his mind, no muss no fuss.  Runes?”

Jace looked even more confused, “What about runes?”

“Your  _ parabatai _ runes.  Where are they? Hopefully nowhere too . . . private,” Magnus was anxious to get this over with.  He needed this to work, but he preferred not having to touch Jace in an inappropriate place.  That would just be  _ awkward. _  He vaguely noticed that Lydia had already left, and that someone had closed the door out into the hallway.  

Jace managed to smirk as he lifted his shirt up to reveal the rune just above his left hip.  “You don’t know where Alec’s  _ parabatai _ rune is? I find that somewhat hard to believe.”

Magnus rolled his eyes as he sat next to Jace by Alec’s hips.  “When I see Alexander without a shirt on, the  _ last _ thing I’m studying is his  _ runes _ ,” he retorted as he nudged Alec’s T-shirt up over his left hip, revealing the matching rune.  His fingers skimmed over his warm skin, and Magnus swallowed, hoping that he could wrap his arms around his favorite Shadowhunter soon.  He was in dire need of a good cuddle session, and he had come to find out that Alec was a perfect cuddle buddy. He shook his head of those thoughts.  They were unimportant at the moment.  

“Eww.  So how does this -” Jace started to ask, but Magnus reached over and touched Jace’s rune as he activated his magic.  It ran like a current from Jace, through Magnus, and into Alec, the warlock now a physical link between the  _ parabatai _ .  In a flash of blinding light and color, Magnus let himself and Jace be pulled into the vortex.

With a resounding pop, they appeared in a decrepit alleyway; Jace stumbling into a brick wall, and Magnus gracefully stepping onto the pavement as he adjusted his slightly rumpled shirt.  Jace turned to glare at the warlock as he straightened up.

“A little warning would have been nice, you know,” he grumbled.

Magnus arched an eyebrow at the irritated blonde.  “Now you know.”

The Shadowhunter shot another glare his way and then turned to study their surroundings.  The sun was blocked by one of the buildings, but it was probably around midday.  It had been barely an hour since Magnus’ failed attempt at getting through to Alec, but it looked like at least half a day had gone by here.  Good, it gave them some time.  Magnus wasn’t entirely sure where they were, but it looked like Brooklyn.  Hopefully not too far from the loft.

“Is this Brooklyn?” Jace squinted as he stepped out of the alleyway and into bright sunlight.  

“A dream version,” Magnus corrected.  He looked down the street and immediately knew where they were; only four or five blocks from his - or rather dream Magnus’ - loft.  He started walking in that direction.  With a huff of annoyance, Jace followed and jogged to catch up with the warlock’s long, fast strides.  

There weren’t too many people on the street, but none of them spared the two men a glance.  Jace frowned as a woman stepped out in front of him, barely stopping in time to not ram into her.

“Yo, watch your step lady!”  The woman didn’t acknowledge him and stepped off the curb, hailing a cab.  

“They can’t see us,” Magnus had stopped a short distance away.  He smirked at the annoyed look on Jace’s face.  “It’s like when you Shadowhunters glamour yourselves from being seen by mundanes.”

“Oh, anything else you’ve neglected to tell me?” Jace asked acerbically.  

“Many things, I’m sure,” the warlock turned and started walking again.  Assuming Jace was following, he continued, casting his voice behind, “We can manipulate things here, but doing so will call attention to us.  I’d advise against that unless absolutely necessary.”

“Why?” Jace fell into step beside him, glowering.

“Mmmm, have you seen  _ Inception _ ?”

The other man threw him a questioning look. “A what now?”

Magnus sighed, “It’s a movie.  I’m sure you know what those are?”

“Yeah, but no, I don’t know that one.”

The warlock paused to consider before replying, “Good.  Not to worry.  Just don’t let anyone besides Alexander notice you.  It wouldn’t be good.”

Jace eyed him suspiciously, but didn’t say anything else.  The two men walked the rest of the way to the loft in silence, nervous tension tangible in the air between them.  At the outer door to the building, Magnus snapped his fingers and a blue spark leapt from his fingertips to the door.  The lock clicked and Jace opened it, leading the way up to Magnus’ apartment.  Magnus repeated the trick on his own door, and they both entered the loft.

He hadn’t seen the apartment during the day and frowned at its drabness.  Well, drab in comparison to how he would have decorated it.  The furniture was an eclectic mix of styles and the rugs and pillows were of colorful patterns, but the walls were painted what looked like eggshell white.  _ Eggshell. _  How dreadful. He was amused to see the same artwork from his loft hanging on the walls, as well as the same book shelf that took up the entire back wall.  Instead of ancient tomes of magic, it was full of classic works of literature, history books and interestingly, science-fiction and fantasy novels.  Unlike his real loft, picture frames were placed throughout the living room.  He picked up the one closest to him and stared down at a smiling Alec in graduation garb, cap tilted to the side, one hand clutching a diploma.  His other arm was wrapped around Magnus’ waist, who was smiling up at the taller man.  Magnus felt a lump form in his throat.  He and Alexander would never have a moment like this, or any of the moments documented in these photos, in the waking world.  

“Loft’s clear,” Jace interrupted his depressing thoughts, re-entering the living room.  He held a lit seraph blade in one hand.  “Alec’s not here.”

“He’ll come back eventually, I’m sure,” Magnus lowered himself elegantly onto the couch.  It wasn’t nearly as comfortable as the one he had.

“What if he and dream Magnus decided to run off to, I don’t know, Paris or something?”

“Then we would be in Paris,” Magnus replied, amused.  “Dream worlds aren’t limitless, but confined to a certain radius of where the dreamer is.”

“Oh.  So what do we do now?”

Magnus sighed, hoping that time was indeed running faster here.  “Now, we wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos give me life! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunions, revelations and snark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SO SORRY for the god awful length of time it took for me to finish this! I wasn't planning on it being this long. I ended up getting the head cold from HELL and I'm still not entirely recuperated. But I'm sure no one wanted to read anything I wrote while hopped up on the plethora of cold medicine I had. ^^' 
> 
> This chapter also got really long and I ended it before I had planned . . . the last little bit will just be included in the next (and last!) chapter. Yup, this fic is almost done. Hopefully, it won't take me three weeks this time! This is unbeta'd so every mistake is my own. Dialogue from flashbacks (1x12 and 1x13) is pretty much verbatim from the show, otherwise all the writing is mine!
> 
> And a huge thank you to everyone who has given this fic and this writer a chance! Every hit, kudos, bookmark, subscription and comment make me so happy! <3<3 Characters belong to CC of course!

The afternoon sunlight fell in golden pools through the trees as Alec jogged along the path in Prospect Park, which was crowded with families, young couples and dog walkers.  Some college students were throwing a frisbee to each other on one of the open lawns scattered throughout the park.  Alec slowed to a stop, jogging in place, as he let a horse-drawn carriage pass through an intersection of walkways.  The driver turned and grinned at Alec, sharp teeth glistening with saliva in the daylight.  

Yesterday, Alec would have freaked out, turned around and ran the hell out of there.  Today, he merely stared at the driver impassively.  This hadn’t been the first hallucination he had seen since leaving the loft, but his visions of monsters no longer panicked him.  He saw them for what they were.  The couple he had passed on the way with glowing green eyes and claws for fingers were just werewolves.  The unearthly beautiful ‘children’ playing down by one of the ponds, gossamer wings sprouting from their backs, merely pixies.   _ Downworlders _ , he told himself.   _ Not demons _ .

The demons he did see were obviously a figment of his imagination.  He didn’t know how he knew this, but demons didn’t venture out into direct sunlight.  Like vampires, demons avoided the sun.  So the demonic carriage driver was just a hallucination, and after a moment, the man’s face morphed back into that of a mundane.  Alec continued his jog without a second glance back.

It wasn’t the illusory monsters that bothered him anymore, but his growing confidence that everything around him was a lie.  He kept replaying his conversation with Magnus over and over in his mind, becoming aggravated with himself when he kept lingering on minute details.  Like the way the city lights had made his caramel skin glow, or the vibrant purple streaks in his hair.  The bottomless depths of his brown eyes as they seemed to see right through Alec.  He had been real, and Alec had chased him away.

How the hell was he supposed to wake up now?  He had no idea what to do.  He thought maybe taking a run would help him think this through, but he had spent the last hour obsessing over Magnus.   _ Very productive, Lightwood _ , he thought to himself bitterly.  

Resigned, Alec decided to just head back to the loft, hoping that dream-Magnus hadn’t come home yet.  That was a conversation he wanted to avoid like no other, mostly because he knew he would make Magnus think he was truly insane.  Maybe he was, maybe  _ this  _ was the real world, and his imaginary Magnus was just that.  Alec shook his head of that thought. He had chosen to believe that his was all a dream and he couldn’t go back on that.  It was time to take the plunge and accept what happened.

But convincing himself that this was indeed a dream didn’t help him with his actual problem: waking up.  He needed Magnus for that, but he didn’t know how to contact him.  His previous attempt at the loft had been a phenomenal failure.  Worry tugged at the back of Alec’s mind.  What if Magnus had just given up?  What if his rejection last night had been the final one Magnus could take from him?  What if he was truly trapped here forever?  

_ No _ .  Magnus wouldn’t leave him here.  His sister and friends wouldn’t leave him here.  Magnus would find another way back to him, he was sure of it.

Alec’s bleak thoughts had taken up his entire trip back home.  Standing outside his building, Alec took out his phone and checked for messages.  There was only one from Magnus asking if Alec was okay, which he ignored for now, and a slew of texts from Izzy.  He didn’t bother checking those either, already knowing how worried she was about him.   _ It doesn’t matter since she isn’t real _ , he thought.  But the guilt still tugged at his chest as if he were ignoring his real sister.  

He trudged up the stairs to the loft, his exhaustion threatening to make him collapse.  When he got to the front door and found it unlocked, he frowned.  He was sure he locked it before he left.  Adrenaline thrumming through his veins, Alec opened the door slowly and quietly, peeking into the living room.  There, sitting on the couch as if he owned the place, was Magnus.  Not dream-Magnus, but  _ his _ Magnus.  It was as if he was in sharp focus and everything around him was fuzzy and surreal.  He was wearing the same outfit as last night; a thin, scarlet tunic and deep violet leggings.  The purple streaks in his hair caught the sunlight streaming in through the windows, and Alec noticed there was glitter in his hair.  He looked absolutely dazzling, no _ magical _ .

Magnus looked up and saw Alec, an odd mixture of relief, happiness and trepidation crossing over his features.  With effortless grace, the warlock stood and met Alec halfway into the living room.  The door snicked shut behind Alec as he stared at the man in front of him.  Magnus reached out as if to touch him, but hesitated, letting his arm fall back down at his side.  Alec frowned and made to step closer but movement from the other end of the room made him look up.

Jace.

Alec blinked at the other man for a moment.  What was his brother doing here?  Like Magnus, this Jace stood out in sharp contrast to everything around him.  His slicked back blonde hair, mismatched eyes glowing in the sunlight, black Shadowhunter gear looking worse for wear, and a lit seraph blade in his hand.  

_ The Shadowhunter restraining him tightened his hold, making Alec grimace in discomfort. Alec watched helplessly as Jace lowered his seraph blade from Valentine’s throat.  The older man smiled, victory dancing in his eyes.  The hands holding Alec let go and he made to stop Jace.  He couldn’t let Jace leave with that man.  He felt Magnus’ magic activate behind him, ready to fight. _

_ “Get back,” Jace ordered.  He stared intently at his  _ parabatai, _ “Alec, I mean it.” _

_ He stopped, feeling Jace’s resolve through their bond.  Valentine led Jace to the portal and just before they passed through it, his  _ parabatai _ glanced back over his shoulder at his friends.  And then he disappeared.  Alec barely had a chance to process that Jace had actually abandoned them before a flash of red darted towards the closing portal.  He caught Clary as the swirling purple vortex closed, and accepted the possibility that he may never see his brother again. _

“You left,” was all he managed to say.

Jace looked away and sheathed his blade, but said nothing. 

“You remember,” Magnus murmured.

Alec turned back to the warlock and scratched the back of his neck, now feeling awkward.  “Some things . . . yeah.  I guess.  I’ve been remembering things in pieces here and there after . . .” he glanced away, “after last night.”

Magnus’ eyes lit up and he smiled softly, stepping closer to Alec, who found himself returning a small smile himself.  Looking into the other man’s eyes now, Alec mentally slapped himself for not believing in him last night.  This Magnus in front of him was real, plain as day.  He knew then, absolutely knew one hundred percent, that he needed to wake up so that he could wrap Magnus in his arms in real life.  

_ Alec froze, staring at the warlock who had interrupted his wedding.  His  _ wedding _.  What was Alec doing?  He didn’t love Lydia, and he never would. Not romantically.  They’d both be miserable and lonely for the rest of their lives. He couldn’t do that to her. How could he have let himself get into this situation?  How could he give up on Magnus?  _

_ Magnus.  Who understood Alec in ways no one else had.  Who could finish his sentences when he turned into a stuttering mess.  Who made his heart pound just thinking about him.  Whose light touches both soothed and set afire his nerves.  Whose mere presence in the room stole the breath right out of his lungs. _

_ Exactly like what was happening right now.   _

_ He vaguely heard his siblings whispering at each other in the background, and saw his mother and Magnus whispering harshly to each other.  And then Magnus turned and looked at him, unwavering and resolute, but silent.  Waiting. _

This is your choice, Alexander. __

_ “-lec?” Lydia’s voice drew his gaze down to hers. The world came crashing down around him again.  The wedding.  The people in the audience staring at him.  Lydia looking up at him, concerned.  The lack of air in his lungs.  He tried to breathe in, but couldn’t seem to get enough air.  He was starting to panic.  “Hey.” She smiled nervously. _

_ “I - I can’t breathe,” he managed to gasp, eyes darting every which way before settling on Lydia again. _

_ “I know.  It’s okay,” she replied.  Her voice was calm and soothing.  In that moment, Alec knew what he had to do. _

_ “I can’t do this,” he started, and everything came out in a rush. “I thought we were doing the right thing, but . . . this isn’t it.”   _

_ For a moment, sadness and disappointment shone in Lydia’s blue eyes, but before the guilt could rise up in Alec’s chest, those emotions were replaced by complete understanding and acceptance.  She smiled up at him, and Alec thought that if things were different, if he weren’t gay, Lydia and him would have made a good pair.  But he couldn’t change who he was, and he was starting to realize that he didn’t want to. _

_ “You don’t have to explain,” she replied. _

_ “Lydia . . . I’m sorry,” the words felt shallow and flat to him, but the woman in front of him smiled and reached up, resting her hand on his cheek.   _

_ “Hey, you deserve to be happy,” only complete sincerity in her voice.  She laughed lightly, as if Alec choosing his own happiness over duty didn’t contradict everything they as Shadowhunters had been taught.  “Okay? I’ll be fine.” _

_ With those final words, Alec turned to look out over the audience.  His father, watching with concerned interest; his mother, a look of shock and trepidation on her face; members of the Institute and Clave, murmuring to each other in confusion.  And then he looked at Magnus, who hadn’t budged from his spot halfway down the aisle.  He met Alec’s eyes resolutely, and Alec realized Magnus was readying himself for yet another rejection.  He could see in the slight tightening around his eyes, the way his fists were starting to clench, his very presence withdrawing behind a stone-like mask of feigned indifference.  But a spark of hope remained in those glamoured eyes, and it was that spark that gave Alec that final push. _

_ Without breaking eye contact, he stepped down from the dais, and walked toward the warlock that had single-handedly turned his world upside down, yet given him the courage to seek his own happiness.   _

_ His mother was snapping something at him, but he couldn’t care less what she had to say at that moment.  He’d had enough of trying to please her, because he would never live up to her expectations.  So he cut her off with a simple and resolute, “Enough.” Alec’s eyes never left Magnus’ gaze. _

_ And then he was kissing him, and by the Angel, why hadn’t he done this sooner? _

Alec pulled away from the kiss, and realized belatedly that he had actually reached out and kissed Magnus.  It wasn’t just in his memories.  The warlock had a dazed look on his face as he looked up at the Shadowhunter, ringed fingers resting lightly on Alec’s hips.  He only had a momentary feeling of content before heat rushed up his neck and into his cheeks.  __

“Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting  _ that _ ,” Magnus shook his head, dazed expression turning amused.  “You are always so full of surprises, Alexander.  Not that I’m complaining.”

Alec stepped away quickly and stuttered, “I didn’t . . . I mean . . . I wasn’t,” he stopped himself, and took a breath.  “I just remembered our first kiss and I guess I just -”

Magnus beamed, and Alec couldn’t help but smile back at him.  He loved being the person who put that beautiful grin on the warlock’s face.

“Ahem,” Jace cleared his throat from across the room.  “Not to interrupt the touching reunion here or anything, but I would like to remind you that we’re in a bit of a time crunch.”  Jace sheathed the seraph blade and added, “Plus, I kinda don’t wanna watch my brother and his boyfriend making out.  Full tongue action and everything.  Ew.”

Glaring at his brother, Alec snarked, “Says the guy who seems to forget that his bedroom is right next to mine, and the walls are very thin.  What was that last faerie girl’s name? Kairi? Kaelie?  She was quite loud, you know. And I’m pretty sure she was faking.”

Jace’s face actually went pale and a slight blush rose on his cheeks.  “What? You never told - wait! No she wasn’t!” He exclaimed indignantly.  

“Keep telling yourself that, little brother.  Did she come back around after that?” At Jace’s silence, he continued.  “Seelies are hard to please.  Believe me, I hear it from Izzy all the time.”

“And as entertaining as it is watching Jace’s ego knocked down a few pegs, he is right that we have limited time,” Magnus interrupted, though amusement still sparkled in his eyes.

“Right, so how do we wake me up?” Alec asked, as Jace came to stand next to him.

The blonde reached out and pinched Alec’s arm really hard.  He gasped in pain and turned to smack his brother, but Jace dodged the hit and laughed.

“What was that for?” Alec rubbed at the spot, frowning.

“Isn’t that how you’re supposed to wake someone up from a dream?”  
“On mundane television perhaps, but even then it rarely works,” Magnus replied sourly.  “No, the waking up part is much more . . . ambiguous, I’m afraid.”

“Meaning?” Jace stepped forward, crossing his arms.

“Mmmmm, I don’t really know?” Magnus answered, avoiding Jace’s gaze.

“Wait, so you dragged us into Alec’s crazy mundie dreamland and you don’t know how to get him out?”

“I was hoping I would get some inspiration along the way,” Magnus retorted.  “But I’m still not sure . . .”

“What do you know?” Alec asked softly.  “Maybe Jace and I can offer some fresh insight.”

Magnus sighed, and sat back down on the sofa.  He picked up a photo and fiddled with the frame.  Alec realized it was a picture of dream-Magnus and him at his college graduation.  That had been a good day, but Alec sadly realized it had probably never happened.

“I made a call to a friend who was able to track down a warlock’s account of healing someone from a sopor demon attack.  But the entry is extremely vague and both the warlock and the Shadowhunter he saved are dead now.  You had the misfortune of running into a very rare and lethal demon, Alexander.”  Magnus placed the framed photo back on the coffee table before looking up at the two Shadowhunters.

“What did he say?”  Alec asked.

“Something about destroying the demon’s avatar,” the warlock answered.  “I wasn’t able to think too much about it because Jace arrived shortly after I got the information, and then here we are.”

“Demon’s avatar?” Alec asked, thoughtful.  “An avatar is a representation of something, right?”

Magnus nodded, “Yes, though it’s usually in reference to Hindu deities taking physical form on earth . . .”

“Wait,” Jace exclaimed. “Maybe that’s not too far off?  The demon obviously can’t be here in Alec’s head, but it’s venom is causing all of this right?  What if the residual venom you couldn’t extract has taken some kind of form in Alec’s dream?”

“And if we find that form and destroy it, Alexander should wake up,” Magnus mused.  He stood up as graceful as a dancer, and smiled at Jace.  “So you are more than a pretty face.  Who would have thought?”

Jace let the backhanded compliment pass with little more than a sneer in the warlock’s direction.  “So let’s find this thing and kill it . . . how do we find it again?”

Magnus looked at Alec and smirked.  “For that, I need Alexander.   _ Alone _ , preferably.” He drew out that last syllable and winked.

Alec couldn’t help another blush rising up his neck and into his cheeks.  He didn’t know if he’d ever get used to Magnus’ ridiculous innuendos. 

“Finding a demonic manifestation in a dreamworld requires a quickie?” Jace asked incredulously.  “No, you know what? I don’t wanna know,” he turned around and walked into the kitchen.  “Go do what you gotta do.”

Magnus smirked after the retreating Shadowhunter before grabbing Alec’s hand and pulling him toward the bedroom.  Alec’s eyes widened as the warlock led him into the room and shut the door behind them.

“Wait, we’re not really going to -”

“Relax, Alexander,” Magnus smiled. He guided him to the bed and gently pushed him down to sit on the edge.  “As much as I would love for you to ravish me here, where we could use dream physics - or the lack thereof - to our advantage . . . I’d prefer that our first time be very much  _ real _ .”  He maneuvered himself onto the middle of the bed, legs folded in a relaxed meditative pose.  Alec swung his legs up on the mattress, mimicking Magnus’ pose, their knees barely touching.  Magnus gave him an encouraging smile as he continued, “No, I needed you alone because what we’re about to do requires concentration and Jace is, by nature, a distracting individual.”

Alec arched an eyebrow at that comment.

“His snark is not conducive,” Magnus explained, taking Alec’s hands in his.  Alec couldn’t help but agree with that.  “Alright, place your hands on my knees, good.”  Magnus rested his hands on either side of Alec’s face, his right thumb brushing along his cheekbone.  He brought his and Alec’s foreheads together until they touched, their breath mingling.  The proximity was making Alec dizzy with want, but he held himself back and waited for Magnus’ instructions.  The warlock let out a shaky breath before meeting Alec’s eyes, his glamour dropped, revealing his entrancing cat’s eyes.  “I’m going to delve into your psyche, Alexander.  Ideally, I should be able to sense every entity that does not belong here.”

“Meaning?”

“This entire world is you, darling.  The buildings, the people, everything.  They are all manifestations of your own will, conscious or not.  And you are at it’s center, it’s driving force.” Magnus’ gaze flicked to Alec’s lips before snapping back to attention.  It seemed Magnus was also having trouble concentrating this close.  It helped Alec relax a little.  “Now, Jace and I are intruders here and our energies give off a different . . . hmmmm, vibration I guess would be a good term to use.  The demonic manifestation is the same way and it should stand out like the proverbial sore thumb. After finding it, I can track it . . .  Is this okay?  I can only do this if you allow me in.”

Alec nodded, “Y-yeah, let’s do it.”

Magnus pulled back slightly and glanced away, “Just some forewarning.  The connection goes both ways, and can be very intense . . . emotionally,” he glanced back up into Alec’s eyes, unsure. Alec swallowed thickly, but nodded.  “Good, close your eyes and focus on matching your breath to mine.”

Alec’s eyes fluttered closed and he focused on Magnus’ breath.  He found it was easy to match their breathing and then he felt it, small tendrils of static warmth playing across his skin.  Magnus’ magic slowly grew more intense, pushing into his mind so that all he saw was blue light.  The energy hesitated just outside his awareness until Alec let it past his defenses and then his whole body seemed to be filled with bright blue.  He gasped at the sudden influx of magic and was surprised to find it pleasant, comforting even. Alec felt like he was floating, and no longer felt Magnus’ hands on his face or the mattress under his legs.  

The magic pulsed and the blue faded away into his periphery as Alec found himself standing in the aisle at his own wedding.  But he was looking at himself, walking towards him - no Magnus, gaze intense.  Alec felt the walls go up, an impenetrable armor that he could build around his heart without too much concentration.  His defense against the many disappointments he had faced in his long, weary existence.  But he couldn’t give up completely, that persistent human emotion known as hope poking holes through his centuries old armor and he knew then that this rejection would break him.  More than Camille, more than any previous lovers’ inevitable departure.  Alexander Lightwood would be his undoing, because he hoped so intensely that this man would chose him. And when those strong hands grabbed his shirt and his glorious lips touched his, Magnus’ heart exploded with light, that metaphorical armor disintegrating into dust.  And  _ oh _ , how beautiful it was to truly _ feel _ again, to  _ hope,  _ to be  _ happy, _ and perhaps even  _ love _ ?  

Alec gasped and fell back, almost toppling off the bed as Magnus’ magic withdrew.  He lay there gasping for a few moments before daring to look over at his companion.  Magnus had his eyes closed, taking shaky breaths as he kept himself propped up in a sitting position.  His face looked drained and pale, a rivulet of sweat running down the side of his neck.  Pushing himself back up into a seated position, Alec reached out and touched Magnus’ face, lightly caressing his cheek.  The warlock’s eyelids fluttered open, his irises glamoured brown again.  

“Are you okay?” Magnus asked breathily.  

“Me?” Alec frowned.  “Are you okay?  You’re pale.”

The warlock shrugged, and smiled tiredly up at the Shadowhunter.  “I used up a lot of magic.  That was a spell within a spell since I’m still using magic to keep Jace and I here.”  He reached up and squeezed Alec’s hand in reassurance.  “I know where to find our demon though, so at least this was a success.”  Magnus turned and slipped off the bed, stretching before offering Alec a hand up.  If he knew what Alec had seen and felt during his vision, the warlock didn’t comment on it.

Alec thought back to what he had seen - what he had felt.  It scared Alec that he had so much power over Magnus and that he had almost broken him.  If he had chosen differently that day, what would have become of this dazzling, perfect man?  Without thinking, Alec took Magnus’ hand but pulled him down into his lap, lips crashing against the warlock’s.  Taken by surprise, Magnus was frozen for a moment before relaxing into Alec’s arms and returning the kiss with enthusiasm.  His tongue swiped over Alec’s bottom lip and he opened to him, moaning as Magnus skillfully took control, his arms wrapped around Alec’s neck.  Alec broke away to kiss up Magnus’ jawline, stopping to nip at his earlobe.  The warlock gasped and grabbed Alec’s chin, angling to take his lips again -

Someone pounded on the door, startling both men into breaking apart.  “Uh, not to interrupt . . . anything, but I think we’ve got company,” Jace’s muted voice bled through the closed door.  Magnus fussed with his hair and patted down his shirt, cursing the blonde’s ‘horrendous timing.’ 

Alec sighed and stood, moving to open the door.  Jace took one look at his brother before his face split into a knowing grin, his mismatched eyes sparkling.  “So how’d that magical quickie go, bro?”

Ignoring Jace,  Alec pushed past him and into the living room . . . where his dream version of Magnus was taking off his jacket.  The man turned when Alec entered the room, his face a mask of worry.  Alec froze.  He had been hoping to avoid this exact situation.

“Whoa, this is bizarre,” Jace exclaimed, walking past Alec and went to stand next to dream-Magnus.  He stared at him, getting awkwardly close, but dream-Magnus didn’t seem to notice him at all.   

“Are you feeling better?” he asked softly, not making a move to close the distance between them. 

Alec looked away, scratching the back of his neck.  His Magnus appeared from the bedroom and rolled his eyes as Jace waved his hands wildly in front of the other Magnus.  It was all very distracting.  “Uh, y-yeah, actually I do,” Alec stuttered, trying not to look at Jace, who was now making funny faces at Alec from over dream-Magnus’ shoulder.  

“We need to go, Alexander,” Magnus said, touching his arm softly in comfort.  He walked over to Jace and pulled him away.

“We should probably talk, then,” dream-Magnus sighed.  “Your mother and I-”

“Know nothing about what’s going on,” Alec interrupted.  “Look, Magnus, I’m sorry but I can’t do this right now.  I have to go.”  
“Go?” Magnus exclaimed. “Go where?  We need to talk, Alexander.  You’re going through something and as much as you may think otherwise, you need help!”

Alec really didn’t want to have an argument with his pretend boyfriend in front of his real boyfriend.  Since he wasn’t good with words, Alec decided to just take action.  With lightning-quick speed, Alec reached out and gently, but firmly, grabbed dream-Magnus’ arm.  He pulled him toward the bedroom despite the other man’s protests.

“Alec! What are you doing?  Let go!”

Alec deposited Magnus in the bedroom and spun around, closing the door.  Holding the doorknob so that the other man couldn’t get out, he motioned for Jace.  “Stele,” he murmured, holding out his hand.  Jace handed it to him and Alec drew the rune for holding against pursuit. The sickle-like rune glowed bright before burning into the now locked door.  The doorknob jiggled as Magnus tried to open the door, yelling at Alec to let him out.

“Well, that’s one way to deal with him,” Jace shrugged, taking his stele back.

Alec just rolled his eyes. “C’mon let’s go.”

Magnus was leaning against the wall outside in the hallway, inspecting his impeccably painted fingernails.  He looked up as Jace and Alec exited the loft, locking the door behind them.  He raised his eyebrows in question at Alec’s ruffled appearance and Jace’s grin.

“Did I miss something?” the warlock asked.

“Just Alec trapping your mundie twin in the bedroom with a locking-rune.”

“This better all be a dream, because if it’s not, I just earned a one-way ticket to being institutionalized,” Alec muttered, pushing past both of them.  “So where is this demonic avatar, or whatever?”

Magnus caught up and tugged on Alec’s shirt sleeve, a silent request for him to stop.  “Alexander, look at me,” the warlock murmured, so only Alec could hear.  When the taller man refused, Magnus sighed at his stubbornness, but continued.  “I promise that we’ll fix this.  We’ll kill this demon and you’ll wake up.”

“And then the Clave will arrest Jace,” Alec finished, finally meeting his eyes.  At Magnus’ shocked expression, Alec shook his head in Jace’s direction. “I’m pretty sure the Clave wouldn’t just let Jace waltz back into the Institute after galavanting around with Valentine.  Not even to save another Shadowhunter.  That’s why we have a time constraint right? How much time did Lydia give you?”

“How did you figure it out? I wasn’t going to mention anything -” Jace started.

Alec cut him off with a pointed glare.  “I may be in a demonically induced coma with fragmented memories, but I remember enough.  I’m not stupid.”  He turned back to Magnus.  “How much time?”

“Thirty minutes in real time. But there’s no way of knowing how long that is here,” Magnus answered reluctantly.  

Alec nodded, then turned to his  _ parabatai. _  “I’ll get you out of this, Jace.  I prom-”

Jace cut him off.  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Alec.” Before Alec could protest, Jace continued, “Not that I doubt you, but I knowingly put my fate in the Clave’s hands by coming back, and I can’t let you or anyone else go against them. Let  _ me _ do the protecting for once, big brother.” 

The  _ parabatai  _ stared at each other, an entire conversation seeming to pass silently between them.  Finally, Alec looked away but nodded.  Jace, who had tensed up as soon as Alec mentioned his fate, visibly relaxed and held out his hand.  Alec didn’t hesitate to clasp his brother’s hand in return, gazes locking in an understanding only gained through the strong bond of  _ parabatai _ .

“Alright then,” Magnus interjected, not wanting to spoil the moment, but time was of the essence.

“Yeah, so where to?” Alec asked.

Magnus pointed to the floor.  “Underground.”

 

_________________

 

“Ugh, why can’t demons lurk in  _ nice _ places?” Jace whined.  He held a lit seraph blade in one hand and pinched his nose shut with the other.  

The trio were currently trudging through a particularly odorous sewer tunnel, Magnus lighting the way with a ball of blue flame.  The sludge came up to their knees and Magnus had to admit, he sympathized with the blonde Shadowhunter.  This wasn’t exactly his idea of fun, either.  Luckily for Magnus - and by proxy, Alec - he was a warlock who could cast an anti-smelling spell.

“How come you two don’t seem ready to barf?” Jace grumbled.  When they remained silent, he stopped, mouth gaping open, then gagged when he tasted more of the foul air.  “You cast a spell, didn’t you?” he exclaimed, pointing at the warlock accusingly.  “On both of you!”

“Why, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Magnus replied, feigning ignorance.

“No fair!”

“Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, Shadowhunter,” Magnus continued walking.  “But as a rule, life isn’t fair.”

“Yeah, well, you’re a dick,” Jace muttered.

Walking between them, Alec rolled his eyes.  His grip tightened on the extra seraph blade Jace had had on him, feeling more at ease and in control with a weapon in his hands.  “Magnus,” he admonished.  “Play nice.”

“Oh, well if that’s what you want, darling,” Magnus sighed dramatically and flicked his wrist.  A spark of blue shot down the tunnel and burst in Jace’s face, causing the man to splutter in shock.

“Hey!” he exclaimed angrily, but then took a deep breath of air.  Magnus smirked when he heard Alec smack his brother and the blonde muttered a reluctant, “Thanks.”

They continued on for a while, pausing at intersections as Magnus tracked the third aberrant entity in this reality.  Unlike his and Jace’s energy, which vibrated in harmony with Alec’s - very much like a major chord in music - the demon’s energy was a jarring cacophony of disorganized notes.  It was like nails on a chalkboard and Magnus winced whenever he reached out to track it.  It only got worse as they drew closer.

The air became heavy and thick, pressing in on Magnus on all sides.  Sweat dripped down his face and neck, his movements slowing.  The pressure, the absolute noise, was becoming unbearable.  The closer they got, the more his magic power was drained as he tried to pinpoint the demon’s exact location.  He tried not to show his growing exhaustion, but Alec had an uncanny ability to see right through him.

“Magnus,” his voice whispered right against his ear, causing the warlock to shudder.  He allowed himself to lean back into the taller man a little bit.  “Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.”

“Tracking this thing is taking a lot more out of me than expected,” Magnus panted.  “We’re very close, though.”  He pushed away from Alec’s comforting warmth and continued forward.  His magicked ball of blue light had flickered out a while back, their way lit only by the Shadowhunter’s seraph blades, which cast dim shadows along the walls. He was grateful that Alec and Jace couldn’t hear or feel this thing - someone needed to be able to fight it.  

After another fifteen minutes of torturous tracking, Magnus stopped at the entrance to an unnatural darkness.  Poisonous waves of malice rolled over Magnus, almost knocking him over if Alec hadn’t been behind to steady him.  With a sigh of relief, Magnus ended the tracking spell and the demon’s overbearing presence lessened.  He knew Alec could feel it now by the tension in his arms, in the pronounced tendons in his neck, and his clenched jaw.  Jace could feel the ominous presence as well if his muffled cursing was anything to go by.

“Go,” Magnus pushed away from Alec, pointing in the direction they needed to go.  “I don’t have much magic left to keep Jace and I here.  Not much time.”

Jace moved up next to Alec, casting a worried look down at the warlock, but didn’t say anything.  Magnus was grateful for his silence.  He didn’t think he had enough energy left for a witty comeback.  Alec brushed his thumb over Magnus’ lips and leaned over, placing a chaste kiss against them and then moved up to kiss his forehead.

“I’ll see you on the other side . . .  _ babe _ ,” he murmured, knowing Magnus wasn’t fond of that particular pet name. Magnus felt the small smile against his skin, and then his angel was gone.  

“Hmmmm, I guess it could grow on me,” he whispered to himself as he clung to the last dregs of his magic.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm hoping to get the next chapter up by the end of the weekend. It really just depends on me finding time to write! Please let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your thoughts, theories, etc. 
> 
> Comments, kudos, bookmarks muchly appreciated! <3
> 
> You can also find me at [tumblr](http://daylightdancer89.tumblr.com)!


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